Canada is known for throwing out acts from the sicker, nastier end of the black metal spectrum (see: Blasphemy, Revenge) or the more ambient Quebec movement. So it's quite a surprise to hear the massively slick, shiny Woods Of Ypres. Now, the purist in me wants to turn the album off at the mere mention of the phrase “melodic black metal”, but seeing as I'm such a nice guy, who's willing to give anything a fair shot, let's press on, shall we?

Anyway, upon firing up The Northern Cold, the first thing you'll notice are the clean vocals. And, simply put, they're not very good. The singer can't carry a tune, but of course that's nothing new in the world of extreme metal. Anyway, he utilizes that massively pompous Ihsahn impression that so many symphonic black metal bands employ. Once again, that'd be fine, but Woods Of Ypres are definitely not a symphonic black metal band. Polished sure, but instead of an orchestrated wall of sound, the band use melodic riffs lashed to conventional song structures. Worryingly, it sounds as if they're trying to court the alternative rock crowd, which quite frankly, is nothing short of an affront to the genre and everything it stands for. Coupled with some really quite shockingly angsty lyrics, I was sorely tempted to turn the thing off in disgust.

Still, not wishing to look some some kind of knuckle-dragging troglodyte, I'm will continue to persevere with this, to find something of value. Well, when the band aren't fawning shamelessly to a mainstream audience, they can write something of value. The two-part title track contains a fair amount of vicious riffery, aggression, and growls. Even the clean vocals aren't awful, being used sparingly for effect, like they should be used. The Northern Cold and Iron Grudge also manage to have enough decent material to avoid being offensive. Unfortunately, once we arrive at Your Ontario Town Is A Burial Ground, things take an absolute swan dive in quality. After a nice-ish clean intro (these turn up on almost every song, and seem to be the only thing they can do consistently well) it turns into a shitty radio metal tune with a touch of blackened frosting. This is something far worse than the enjoyably silly gothic fare of say, Cradle Of Filth. This is MTV black metal, made all the worse due to it's tumour-serious nature. At least Cradle Of Filth are clearly aware of how silly they are. This, by contrast, is utterly sour-faced and joyless.

This has been compared favorably to Opeth, Agalloch and even the peerless Ulver in some reviews, and quite frankly Woods Of Ypres would do well to take a leaf out of their book. Those three bands all have at least a shred of integrity (well, I'm sure the purists among you will cry foul at Opeth). The “look how black metal we are” lyrics of Through The Chaos And Solitude I Came are nothing short of outrageous considering this is one of the worst attempts at mainstream crossover carried out in the history of metal. Seriously, it's just that bad. And this comes from a reviewer who thought The Unspoken King was underrated...