Well, I moved in with my girlfriend, but honestly, she doesn't feel like the right woman for me. We are very good friends and we make a very good team and everything...but...Basically, there's someone else I can't get my mind off of. She made me realize I was acting like a delusional drug addict who was under the impression that only by doing some sort derivative of amphetamines, either street drugs or by prescription that I could in fact sing.The fact is that I could always sing since I was a child and the drugs only complicated things, made me have really false beliefs about singing that have held me back for years on end. They had me believing really stupid things as if a demon were sitting on my shoulder telling me complete lies about how to apply technique then laughing when those same techniques did not work off the drugs, which of course they didn't.It's been made quite clear to me. Pick the girl or the drugs and the girl will help with the singing more than the drugs ever did.Part of it is getting over the fact that some of the bands I was singing along was very foolish to believe that is the way I should be singing in the first place. I sing stuff a hell of a lot more in tune with my voice now and it works. Over the last two weeks every day has been a huge improvement. One little lesson a day correcting the mistakes of the past. Occasionally I am being shown that some old belief I had was totally wrong by having everything right, then that one stupid idea wrecks it for a few hours, then it isn't part of the singing equation anymore. Quite strange that it's almost literally like having an expert teacher popping the right information into my mind right when I need it.I like to think we have a somewhat psychic connection. I have always felt a presence inside of me while I sing and that is the sole reason I ever did it to begin with. Along with strange dreams, childhood memories and a shitload of emotional baggage and denial that comes with it, not to mention it manifesting as cognitive dissonance and occasionally manifesting a temporary psychological disorder.See, I had a twin or maybe had been part of triplets in the womb and was the sole survivor. I believe my sister reincarnated and I may have in fact discovered who she is. That's the overwhelming feeling I get when I read what a certain person writes and says...but then again, this affliction is more common that one would think and as well, anyone that has suffered from this would of course start mirroring yourself in a great many ways. But this has gotten quite specific at the symmetry of our circumstances in our lives with of course the differences in culture, upbringing and the people we've involved in our lives. There are a LOT of these people making heavy metal records for some reason and in the past I believed there was some connection and now that I see it isn't personal...it's just that I can sympathize with their lyrics in a way because I understand what their subconscious is trying to project.Anyway. Two months ago, I read the story of someone I had overlooked, even thought her presence was so close to what I had already been quite immersed in for the last ten years, I just didn't make the connection. Call it an error in judgment that was made quite a few times when I had the opportunity to discover this. Sort of liking going to high school with someone...passing them in the halls and then a decade later you end up working with them and grow quite affectionate of them and start wondering how you could have been so stupid not to say hello those times you could have.Since that time, I've sobered up to reality, quit the drugs which never did anything at all for me but make me delusional and paranoid. That nice fuzzy feeling the drugs gave me of oneness, connectedness, being whole again and maybe even a nice secret touch of the heart as Neil Peart would say has replaced all that crap. Again...not with my girlfriend, who is nice and everything, but she's more like a best friend and she knows it. She is even being supportive about the fact she knows my heart belongs to someone else, I guess, and asks how she can help.I don't know. All I know is I can sing again...and not that delusional bullshit I used to do. Maybe this is fate...Or a new delusion! But whatever happens I'm going to live up to my potential now that I am finally doing things for the right reason.No more mental blocks where I thought I needed an Adderall to sing, so I never could without it. No more crazy delusions because I didn't understand the source for my problems. No more acting like an egotistical ass because obviously I am a moron who doesn't know anything to keep fucking up this badly and act arrogant about my assertions in the process. Just no more pain anymore. No more bullshit.I have about 40 songs written for an album. And I'm in sort of a hurry to get it done and released within the next six months and no later. I have a concept of albums that will take several albums...but the first record I'll do is chronicle this change in music form. That's the best I can do and hope the right person notices it sooner or later.Anyway. Thanks for entertaining for these years and my stupidity.