Films watched recently... (CAUTION, SPOILERS)

Goat · **Posted:** Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:01 pm

rio wrote:

Tombs of the Blind Dead- Cool atmospheric Spanish medieval zombie action- with inappropriate lesbian fumblings added in. Inexplicably my copied DVD morphs into the first 20 minutes of Deep Throat after the end credits.

Toolbox Murders remake- For a remake it had some pretty good grainy 70s ambiance, but sadly utterly ruined by one of the least menacing killers I've ever seen.

Stagefright- Memorable Italian slasher which tried way too hard to be American, and suffered from a dreadful soundtrack. Still pretty good though- I think Switchblade Romance may have taken some inspiration here

That'll be the good Lord punishing you for pirating His Works.

rio · **Posted:** Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:24 pm

Zad wrote:

rio wrote:

Tombs of the Blind Dead- Cool atmospheric Spanish medieval zombie action- with inappropriate lesbian fumblings added in. Inexplicably my copied DVD morphs into the first 20 minutes of Deep Throat after the end credits.

Toolbox Murders remake- For a remake it had some pretty good grainy 70s ambiance, but sadly utterly ruined by one of the least menacing killers I've ever seen.

Stagefright- Memorable Italian slasher which tried way too hard to be American, and suffered from a dreadful soundtrack. Still pretty good though- I think Switchblade Romance may have taken some inspiration here

That'll be the good Lord punishing you for pirating His Works.

Yep, the lord works in mysterious ways. He's punishing me by giving me free pornography. Please forgive me!

And he should make His works more readily available through UK distributors.

Goat · **Posted:** Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:28 pm

rio wrote:

Zad wrote:

rio wrote:

Tombs of the Blind Dead- Cool atmospheric Spanish medieval zombie action- with inappropriate lesbian fumblings added in. Inexplicably my copied DVD morphs into the first 20 minutes of Deep Throat after the end credits.

Toolbox Murders remake- For a remake it had some pretty good grainy 70s ambiance, but sadly utterly ruined by one of the least menacing killers I've ever seen.

Stagefright- Memorable Italian slasher which tried way too hard to be American, and suffered from a dreadful soundtrack. Still pretty good though- I think Switchblade Romance may have taken some inspiration here

That'll be the good Lord punishing you for pirating His Works.

Yep, the lord works in mysterious ways. He's punishing me by giving me free pornography. Please forgive me!

And he should make His works more readily available through UK distributors.

Doesn't He still speak Aramaic? In which case, you're screwed there. Unless you really, really liked Teh Passion Ov Teh Krist...

rio · **Posted:** Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:34 pm

I'm thoroughly distressed by the lack of diversity in zombie films, actually. So many are set in the present day developed world. Why not experiment with different locations? Or different time zones? I want to make a zombie film set on the frozen tundras of medieval scandinavia. Finntroll's Visor om Slutet could be the soundtrack.

Goat · **Posted:** Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:37 pm

rio wrote:

I'm thoroughly distressed by the lack of diversity in zombie films, actually. So many are set in the present day developed world. Why not experiment with different locations? Or different time zones? I want to make a zombie film set on the frozen tundras of medieval scandinavia. Finntroll's Visor om Slutet could be the soundtrack.

Gee. Could it be because stupid people make zombie films. Surely not...

Radagast · **Posted:** Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:38 pm

rio wrote:

I'm thoroughly distressed by the lack of diversity in zombie films, actually. So many are set in the present day developed world. Why not experiment with different locations? Or different time zones? I want to make a zombie film set on the frozen tundras of medieval scandinavia. Finntroll's Visor om Slutet could be the soundtrack.

With you all the way my man. I mean, out of a total lack of anything else to do on a Saturday night I went to see that new Underworld film, the first 15 or so minutes of which were set in something like 1200, and it got me to thinking how much better the damn thing would've been if they could have just swapped the whole damn Matrix thing for setting the film entirely in medival times. Vampires with armour and frozen landscapes and shiz.

Yeah it would probably still have sucked.

Edit:
stfu Zad.

Goat · **Posted:** Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:41 pm

Radagast wrote:

rio wrote:

I'm thoroughly distressed by the lack of diversity in zombie films, actually. So many are set in the present day developed world. Why not experiment with different locations? Or different time zones? I want to make a zombie film set on the frozen tundras of medieval scandinavia. Finntroll's Visor om Slutet could be the soundtrack.

With you all the way my man. I mean, out of a total lack of anything else to do on a Saturday night I went to see that new Underworld film, the first 15 or so minutes of which were set in something like 1200, and it got me to thinking how much better the damn thing would've been if they could have just swapped the whole damn Matrix thing for setting the film entirely in medival times. Vampires with armour and frozen landscapes and shiz.

Yeah it would probably still have sucked.

Edit:
stfu Zad.

You bored sod. I wouldn't watch that kind of bollocks for money.

Can't believe you've not seen Van Helsing?

Radagast · **Posted:** Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:44 pm

Zad wrote:

Radagast wrote:

rio wrote:

I'm thoroughly distressed by the lack of diversity in zombie films, actually. So many are set in the present day developed world. Why not experiment with different locations? Or different time zones? I want to make a zombie film set on the frozen tundras of medieval scandinavia. Finntroll's Visor om Slutet could be the soundtrack.

With you all the way my man. I mean, out of a total lack of anything else to do on a Saturday night I went to see that new Underworld film, the first 15 or so minutes of which were set in something like 1200, and it got me to thinking how much better the damn thing would've been if they could have just swapped the whole damn Matrix thing for setting the film entirely in medival times. Vampires with armour and frozen landscapes and shiz.

Yeah it would probably still have sucked.

Edit:
stfu Zad.

You bored sod. I wouldn't watch that kind of bollocks for money.

Can't believe you've not seen Van Helsing?

Yeah that was a load of shite. Loud shite.

Cause if Stephen Somers can't do the job right, no one can. :roll: Why do hacks always land the interesting concepts?

rio · **Posted:** Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:46 pm

Radagast wrote:

rio wrote:

I'm thoroughly distressed by the lack of diversity in zombie films, actually. So many are set in the present day developed world. Why not experiment with different locations? Or different time zones? I want to make a zombie film set on the frozen tundras of medieval scandinavia. Finntroll's Visor om Slutet could be the soundtrack.

With you all the way my man. I mean, out of a total lack of anything else to do on a Saturday night I went to see that new Underworld film, the first 15 or so minutes of which were set in something like 1200, and it got me to thinking how much better the damn thing would've been if they could have just swapped the whole damn Matrix thing for setting the film entirely in medival times. Vampires with armour and frozen landscapes and shiz.

Yeah it would probably still have sucked.

Edit:
stfu Zad.

Mmm, I'm avoiding that one because I really got nothing at all out of the original. "Hollywood does Dark" bollocks...

But yeah... Just think how awesome a really badass, brutal zombie massacre would be if it was set in Medieval times. Arrows in the head!

And Zad: Name me one zombie filmaker who's stupid... and I'll show you Uwe Boll. But apart from that....

rio · **Posted:** Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:48 pm

Radagast wrote:

Zad wrote:

Radagast wrote:

rio wrote:

I'm thoroughly distressed by the lack of diversity in zombie films, actually. So many are set in the present day developed world. Why not experiment with different locations? Or different time zones? I want to make a zombie film set on the frozen tundras of medieval scandinavia. Finntroll's Visor om Slutet could be the soundtrack.

With you all the way my man. I mean, out of a total lack of anything else to do on a Saturday night I went to see that new Underworld film, the first 15 or so minutes of which were set in something like 1200, and it got me to thinking how much better the damn thing would've been if they could have just swapped the whole damn Matrix thing for setting the film entirely in medival times. Vampires with armour and frozen landscapes and shiz.

Yeah it would probably still have sucked.

Edit:
stfu Zad.

You bored sod. I wouldn't watch that kind of bollocks for money.

Can't believe you've not seen Van Helsing?

Yeah that was a load of shite. Loud shite.

Cause if Stephen Somers can't do the job right, no one can. :roll: Why do hacks always land the interesting concepts?

Sounds like someone's not in touch with the art of modern mainstream cinema... A loud film is a good film. :evil:

Oh, and tacked on romantic subplots ist krieg.

Radagast · **Posted:** Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:50 pm

rio wrote:

Radagast wrote:

rio wrote:

I'm thoroughly distressed by the lack of diversity in zombie films, actually. So many are set in the present day developed world. Why not experiment with different locations? Or different time zones? I want to make a zombie film set on the frozen tundras of medieval scandinavia. Finntroll's Visor om Slutet could be the soundtrack.

With you all the way my man. I mean, out of a total lack of anything else to do on a Saturday night I went to see that new Underworld film, the first 15 or so minutes of which were set in something like 1200, and it got me to thinking how much better the damn thing would've been if they could have just swapped the whole damn Matrix thing for setting the film entirely in medival times. Vampires with armour and frozen landscapes and shiz.

Yeah it would probably still have sucked.

Edit:
stfu Zad.

Mmm, I'm avoiding that one because I really got nothing at all out of the original. "Hollywood does Dark" bollocks...

But yeah... Just think how awesome a really badass, brutal zombie massacre would be if it was set in Medieval times. Arrows in the head!

And Zad: Name me one zombie filmaker who's stupid... and I'll show you Uwe Boll. But apart from that....

Well there all of those idiots that got the rights to the title "Zombie." Actually I hear Zombie 2 is quite good, but 3 and 4? :?

And Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town is even worse than the title would have you believe.

Goat · **Posted:** Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:51 pm

rio wrote:

Radagast wrote:

Zad wrote:

Radagast wrote:

rio wrote:

I'm thoroughly distressed by the lack of diversity in zombie films, actually. So many are set in the present day developed world. Why not experiment with different locations? Or different time zones? I want to make a zombie film set on the frozen tundras of medieval scandinavia. Finntroll's Visor om Slutet could be the soundtrack.

With you all the way my man. I mean, out of a total lack of anything else to do on a Saturday night I went to see that new Underworld film, the first 15 or so minutes of which were set in something like 1200, and it got me to thinking how much better the damn thing would've been if they could have just swapped the whole damn Matrix thing for setting the film entirely in medival times. Vampires with armour and frozen landscapes and shiz.

Yeah it would probably still have sucked.

Edit:
stfu Zad.

You bored sod. I wouldn't watch that kind of bollocks for money.

Can't believe you've not seen Van Helsing?

Yeah that was a load of shite. Loud shite.

Cause if Stephen Somers can't do the job right, no one can. :roll: Why do hacks always land the interesting concepts?

Sounds like someone's not in touch with the art of modern mainstream cinema... A loud film is a good film. :evil:

Oh, and tacked on romantic subplots ist krieg.

Especially when the female lead is less attractive than the bad vampire ladies. Well, two of them at least.

Radagast · **Posted:** Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:52 pm

Oh, I dunno about that.

Helloooo nurse.

Goat · **Posted:** Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:58 pm

Radagast wrote:

Oh, I dunno about that.

Helloooo nurse.

In most of the film she had her hair over her face, plus that daft accent....and didn't she marry the director?

Radagast · **Posted:** Mon Jan 30, 2006 5:00 pm

i think that was the Underworld guy. Lucky dog.

rio · **Posted:** Mon Jan 30, 2006 5:06 pm

Radagast wrote:

Well there all of those idiots that got the rights to the title "Zombie." Actually I hear Zombie 2 is quite good, but 3 and 4? :?

And Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town is even worse than the title would have you believe.

Can of worms opened!

In Italy the original Dawn of the Dead was released under the title "Zombi". Fulci's original "Zombie Flesh Eaters" (a work of genius, and his masterpiece) was tagged as a sequel, so in Italy "Zombi 2" is ZFE. In America, ZFE is just "Zombie". So the British film known as "Zombie Flesh Eaters 2" is in fact the Italian "Zombi 3"- an awful film. Fulci started directing it, but quit because he was ill. The job was finished by Bruno Mattei, I think. Perhaps he is a moron, because that film is woeful. Matters are complicated by the fact that the film known as "The Zombie Dead" was also released in Italy as "Zombi 3- Notti del Terrore". It was directed by Andrea Bianchi, and whilst being a really woefully made sleazefest, it is worth watching just because of the totally insane, freaky, low budget atmosphere. The fact that a young child is played by a very short 30 year old man contributes to this greatly.

But the British "Zombie Flesh Eaters 3" is by Claudio Fragasso. Another total Hack. It's shit, has a gay porn star in the lead role and looks like a pop video. Of course, this was released as Zombi 4 in Italy. In America, it may just be called "After Death", but if they numbered it correctly it would be "Zombie 3". There is an Italian Zombi 5, aka Zombie 4, or Zombie Flesh Eaters 4, but I've never seen it, unfortunately :oops:

God I love Zombi films. But I too was let down by CCiZT. I was expecting at least some inappropriate nudity, but there wasn't even that.

Goat · **Posted:** Mon Jan 30, 2006 5:11 pm

rio wrote:

Radagast wrote:

Well there all of those idiots that got the rights to the title "Zombie." Actually I hear Zombie 2 is quite good, but 3 and 4? :?

And Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town is even worse than the title would have you believe.

Can of worms opened!

In Italy the original Dawn of the Dead was released under the title "Zombi". Fulci's original "Zombie Flesh Eaters" (a work of genius, and his masterpiece) was tagged as a sequel, so in Italy "Zombi 2" is ZFE. In America, ZFE is just "Zombie". So the British film known as "Zombie Flesh Eaters 2" is in fact the Italian "Zombi 3"- an awful film. Fulci started directing it, but quit because he was ill. The job was finished by Bruno Mattei, I think. Perhaps he is a moron, because that film is woeful. Matters are complicated by the fact that the film known as "The Zombie Dead" was also released in Italy as "Zombi 3- Notti del Terrore". It was directed by Andrea Bianchi, and whilst being a really woefully made sleazefest, it is worth watching just because of the totally insane, freaky, low budget atmosphere. The fact that a young child is played by a very short 30 year old man contributes to this greatly.

But the British "Zombie Flesh Eaters 3" is by Claudio Fragasso. Another total Hack. It's shit, has a gay porn star in the lead role and looks like a pop video. Of course, this was released as Zombi 4 in Italy. In America, it may just be called "After Death", but if they numbered it correctly it would be "Zombie 3".

God I love Zombi films. But I too was let down by CCiZT. I was expecting at least some inappropriate nudity, but there wasn't even that.

If you're watching zombie films for porn, that's ridiculous.
If you're watching them for extremity, go get a snuff film and do it properly.
If you're watching them because some guy once made a film about zombies, then everyone copied him, and it has now become a genre of its own, well...

Incidently, anyone seen Shaun Of The Dead? I loved it.

rio · **Posted:** Mon Jan 30, 2006 5:16 pm

Zad wrote:

rio wrote:

Radagast wrote:

Well there all of those idiots that got the rights to the title "Zombie." Actually I hear Zombie 2 is quite good, but 3 and 4? :?

And Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town is even worse than the title would have you believe.

Can of worms opened!

In Italy the original Dawn of the Dead was released under the title "Zombi". Fulci's original "Zombie Flesh Eaters" (a work of genius, and his masterpiece) was tagged as a sequel, so in Italy "Zombi 2" is ZFE. In America, ZFE is just "Zombie". So the British film known as "Zombie Flesh Eaters 2" is in fact the Italian "Zombi 3"- an awful film. Fulci started directing it, but quit because he was ill. The job was finished by Bruno Mattei, I think. Perhaps he is a moron, because that film is woeful. Matters are complicated by the fact that the film known as "The Zombie Dead" was also released in Italy as "Zombi 3- Notti del Terrore". It was directed by Andrea Bianchi, and whilst being a really woefully made sleazefest, it is worth watching just because of the totally insane, freaky, low budget atmosphere. The fact that a young child is played by a very short 30 year old man contributes to this greatly.

But the British "Zombie Flesh Eaters 3" is by Claudio Fragasso. Another total Hack. It's shit, has a gay porn star in the lead role and looks like a pop video. Of course, this was released as Zombi 4 in Italy. In America, it may just be called "After Death", but if they numbered it correctly it would be "Zombie 3".

God I love Zombi films. But I too was let down by CCiZT. I was expecting at least some inappropriate nudity, but there wasn't even that.

If you're watching zombie films for porn, that's ridiculous.
If you're watching them for extremity, go get a snuff film and do it properly.
If you're watching them because some guy once made a film about zombies, then everyone copied him, and it has now become a genre of its own, well...

Incidently, anyone seen Shaun Of The Dead? I loved it.

I watch them because they have Zombies in. There's more to the genre than Italian hacks ripping off Romero/Fulci, Zad. :roll:

I liked Shaun a lot, but it annoyed me to see that Empire magazine has decreed it's better than the original Dawn. Preposterous!

Radagast · **Posted:** Mon Jan 30, 2006 5:20 pm

Yeah I actually appreciated the zombie movie parts of Shaun of the Dead a lot more than the comedy. :roll:

And rio, thanks for the recap - that's about what i thought.

Goat · **Posted:** Mon Jan 30, 2006 5:22 pm

rio wrote:

I watch them because they have Zombies in. There's more to the genre than Italian hacks ripping off Romero/Fulci, Zad. :roll:

I liked Shaun a lot, but it annoyed me to see that Empire magazine has decreed it's better than the original Dawn. Preposterous!

Bah. The genre wouldn't exist if not for the BBFC et al banning them originally.

I stopped reading film magazines LONG ago, after Total Film kept pissing me off with its shitty comedy worship.

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Films watched recently... (CAUTION, SPOILERS)

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