Metal Reviews

Is that the new Punisher movie? Because that was horrible. And not one of those so bad it's good, it's one of those so bad it's bad.

You have no appreciation of film, sirrah. From the rocket launcher taking down the parkour guy, to the old woman getting her neck broken by the hero, it's full of wonder and joy. Come on, Dom West's performance alone was incredible.

I still need to see that. I'm too scarred from the John Travolta travesty to muster the strength.

Travolta seems like pure acting goodness compared to the new one.

If you watch that kind of film for the acting... All you need to know is that it's awesome.

Tonight, watched Wild At Heart. Wacky Lynchian goodness. Nic Cage's rubbish acting oddly fits.

I saw G.I. Joe.

Honestly, the overwhelming feeling when I left the theatre was "What the hell just happened in that movie?"

Having had some time to think about it, I still couldn't tell you.

The film ends with what basically amounts to a 45 minute action scene, and I have no idea why they were in the particular location where it all took place. Moreover, there was at least one pivotal plot point which got completely forgotten by the filmmakers. And the action was like....well I don't know how else to explain it. The entire film was just "what the hell is happening right now, and for god's sake, why?!"

Anyway, despite all that...it was stupid fun. But you have to turn off your brain. And I mean, really turn that fucker right off.

Coz if he turns on for even one little second, you're gonna leave the cinema all sorts of confused and upset.

I didn't watch it for the acting, but because the acting was so bad it made a bad movie even worse.

I can't believe you are arguing with me over this. The movie sucked, large.

The Hurt Locker

10/10--Simply the best war film I have ever seen. MUST SEE

I've Loved You For So Long - Opens with a lot of questions, answers them nicely and has great character development. Not sure if I like the ending but ending it in some other way would've made Kristin Scott Thomas's character unlikeable (although that makes the message of the first hour and a half of the movie even more sad/powerful/something) or would've left a big annoying hole in the story. Anyways it made me think, so that's good.

Watchmen - Probably too much story for one movie to cover, so lots of cheesy exposition. Also lots of action scenes that don't really advance the plot. Nice references to Apocalypse Now and Dr Strangelove. Slow-motion fights are so early-2000s. Guess I'll read the book.

You're unbelievable. Anyone that didn't sit through this film whooping has no sense of humour whatsoever. You probably sat and criticised Commando because the military would never have accepted a man Arnie's size into special forces or something. Go watch a Woody Allen film, nerd.

Punisher War Zone was hilarious. The rocket-launcher to parkour guy was amazing!

Last movie I watched was Demons. It was pretty fun, but was propelled into a new realm of greatness when this occurred:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cp0n3zkQvXY

loser

Bitch.

Trainspotting! Love Robert C.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVL3b1wKZQU

I will never watch a Mark Wahlberg movie again the same way.

Marky Mark!

Representin'

More Marky Mark:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qeq7bN98Wms

Ah, Marky Mark. Where would he be without his Funky Bunch?

making shit movies?

As far as I'm concerned, he purged all his sins in The Departed.

Fucking Grade-A Badass shit.

He was so over-acted by everyone else that I almost forgot he was in it. He was probably at his best in Shooter, where he didn't have to force through emotions and all that jazz. Just doing a Segal.

The Departed's the only time he was any good, really, and that's because he didn't have to "act" but just swear at people. The difference between him and Di Caprio is amazing.