Comedian and actor Dane Cook was found dead in his Los Angeles apartment today, the apparent victim of an overdose of blunt force trauma.

Cook, who enjoyed a wide audience of frat boys and autistic children who equate loud with funny, will produce no more cable television specials, nor will movie theaters feature any more of his wacky romps. He is dead. He was beaten to death in his kitchen with a sack of padlocks and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

Mourning fans gathered at Dr. Cobb’s Laff Wharf where Cook would regularly perform. “His madcap observations of the banal cushioned the blow of my own banality”, one fan was heard to say. “His bit on snuggerpacs (sugar packets) really made me think.”

Rumors persist that Dane Cook still lives … clearly the delusion of fans who cannot cope with the FACT that he was stalked, hunted, and crushed in his own home where he felt so safe, the home where he never imagined he would fruitlessly beg for his own life. Dane Cook, once a man, is now buried and rotting underground, never to entertain us again.

Please repost until we all agree that this happened.

I bet he's seen all these bulletins and will turn it into some criminally unfunny routine.

This guy sucks!

I wish Mitch Hedgeberg was still around and Dane cook's sorry ass really was dead!

RIP Mitch, and FU Dane

It seems like you care a lot about Mitch Hedberg.

Besides spelling, you are correct though.