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My current manuscript (Chapter One)
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Author:  Jaden [ Mon Dec 17, 2007 5:00 am ]
Post subject:  My current manuscript (Chapter One)
I just want feedback, and I know that MR has been a medium for creative writing sharing. So yeah, tell me what you think. It's a lot better than anything else I've written, I know that much, but whether or not it's good is up for you to decide.

Oh, and for those of you unfamiliar with typical manuscript format, underlined words imply italicized.

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?23xzrgvstmx
Author:  traptunderice [ Mon Dec 17, 2007 6:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
It seems pretty good. I guess you're striving for the dystopian future theme. Are you hoping to make it have an anti authority/Christianity theme, akin to Golden Compass? IMO dystopian works are better when they are less action packed (ie: Equilibrium) and are more psychological (ie: 1984) but go for whatever you want.

So far it definitely seems good; you have an interesting main character and a pretty defined enemy. The only thing you need to watch out for is not making it like something that is already out there but still intriguing enough not to be eclipsed by what is out there.
Author:  Jaden [ Tue Dec 18, 2007 1:25 am ]
Post subject: 
traptunderice wrote:
It seems pretty good. I guess you're striving for the dystopian future theme. Are you hoping to make it have an anti authority/Christianity theme, akin to Golden Compass? IMO dystopian works are better when they are less action packed (ie: Equilibrium) and are more psychological (ie: 1984) but go for whatever you want.

So far it definitely seems good; you have an interesting main character and a pretty defined enemy. The only thing you need to watch out for is not making it like something that is already out there but still intriguing enough not to be eclipsed by what is out there.


I agree, and I'm definitely trying to take measures to ensure that it's different. I have a few fun, original ideas, including the ending, up my sleeve.

Thanks.
Author:  Jaden [ Tue Dec 18, 2007 1:30 am ]
Post subject: 
I do plan on having quite a bit of action and violence, but in a gritty, realistic way.

Think Children of Men, NOT Equilibrium.
Author:  Jaden [ Tue Dec 18, 2007 8:31 am ]
Post subject: 
I've got some good feedback from a few sources now, so I'm taking this down so I can put it behind me and work on Chapter Two. If anyone really cares that much to read it, send a message.
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