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Venom Singer Saddened by Royal Snub
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Author:  The Evil Dead [ Fri Apr 29, 2011 4:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Venom Singer Saddened by Royal Snub

I thought this was pretty hilarious

http://tyrannyoftradition.wordpress.com ... oyal-snub/

Quote:
There is one Brit who is still waiting for his invitation to tomorrow’s wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton. Cronos (Conrad Lant), the bass player and singer from the band Venom, has checked his mailbox everyday patiently waiting for a message that may never come. Why would the lead singer of a band that recorded songs like “Sons of Satan” expect an invite to one of the most sacred and important events in Britain this century? Cronos is, in fact, Kate Middleton’s uncle.

As hard as this may be to believe for many metalheads, Cronos is the brother of Kate’s mom Mary Lant. In an exclusive interview with The Tyranny of Tradition, Cronos revealed that he had a close relationship with Kate from the time she was a baby. “We were on tour supporting the Welcome to Hell album when I got the call. Little Katy was about to be born. The band and I cancelled the show and rushed to the hospital. I’ll never forget when I held her for the first time. Abaddon and I broke down in tears. It was beautiful,” recalled Cronos.

Cronos was always a big part of the future princesses life. She grew up going to Venom concerts and was even in the studio when the band recorded their third album “At War With Satan”. “Mantas had this great idea to have her voice mixed into the background of the song “Aaaaaarrghh” but it we were never able to get it to sound right.”

As Kate got older she got more involved with the band. “She started playing drums at age 7 and even sat in with us a few times during concerts. She played Buried Alive with us at a show in Coventry back during the reunion in 1995 and was amazing. She reminded me a lot of Dave Lombardo.”

When the royal couple first started dating Kate promised Cronos that they might play at the wedding if the two ever decided to tie the knot. “She had this whole idea about us playing Countess Bathory during the part of the service where she walked up to the altar. I thought it was crazy, but she kept bringing the idea up. I’d have been honored to play her wedding.”

Cronos was in touch with Kate as recently as seven months ago, but since the wedding announcement she has not returned any of his phone calls. “She used to call me her favorite uncle. She loved singing songs with me when she was a little girl. We used to sing the song “Black Metal” together. She loved doing the growling part at the end. Now she won’t even talk to me.”

There have been few mentions of Cronos’ relationship with Kate in the British press. He believes the royal family has conspired to keep the Kate Middleton/Venom connection out of the media. “There used to be video of her playing with us up on YouTube, but that was mysteriously taken down months ago. I feel like they are embarrassed by my career as one of the founding fathers of Satan influenced thrash metal. I’m not trying to get famous out of this or make money. I just want my Little Katy back.”

Author:  Cú Chulainn [ Fri Apr 29, 2011 4:43 pm ]
Post subject: 

Is this a joke??

Author:  The Evil Dead [ Fri Apr 29, 2011 4:47 pm ]
Post subject: 

Nope. Not that I can tell. Seems to check out.

Author:  Cú Chulainn [ Fri Apr 29, 2011 4:51 pm ]
Post subject: 

Wikipedia says Kate's mother is Carole Elizabeth, a former flight attendant.

Although this would be awesome.

Author:  Legacy Of The Night [ Fri Apr 29, 2011 4:53 pm ]
Post subject: 

Says "comedy" under one of the tags. Dunno if this is real. Still funny, though.

Author:  The Evil Dead [ Fri Apr 29, 2011 4:53 pm ]
Post subject: 

Meh. Still funny.

Author:  Legacy Of The Night [ Fri Apr 29, 2011 4:54 pm ]
Post subject: 

Plus, the link that leads to their supposed interview with Cronos leads to something completely unrelated.

Author:  The Evil Dead [ Fri Apr 29, 2011 4:58 pm ]
Post subject: 

Legacy Of The Night wrote:
Plus, the link that leads to their supposed interview with Cronos leads to something completely unrelated.


The article is where the interview is contained, the link is to the blog itself as it's an exclusive.

Author:  traptunderice [ Fri Apr 29, 2011 5:39 pm ]
Post subject: 

http://tyrannyoftradition.wordpress.com ... -daughter/

Author:  The Evil Dead [ Fri Apr 29, 2011 6:48 pm ]
Post subject: 

Almost as good as

http://www.funnyordie.com/articles/1512 ... d-neighbor

never gets old lol

Author:  traptunderice [ Fri Apr 29, 2011 7:17 pm ]
Post subject: 

The Evil Dead wrote:
Almost as good as

http://www.funnyordie.com/articles/1512 ... d-neighbor

never gets old lol
It never gets old.

Image

Author:  Adveser [ Mon May 02, 2011 5:53 am ]
Post subject: 

The Danzig thing wasn't a joke. People were pissed off, like Beck, that Glenn killed all his grass. Painted the house black, had bricks all over the place and whatever else would go on. He plays music so he's gotta be a bitch to live next to on that front as well.

This story reads like a joke though. There's too many sarcastic dead giveaways.

Author:  Sceadugenga [ Sat May 07, 2011 9:00 pm ]
Post subject: 

Haha, probably a joke but still hilarious. I can imagine the wedding going on peacefully when suddenly Venom come out of nowhere and start playing Black Metal and all those major and minor royals starting giving each other disapproving looks, tisking and shaking their heads and the abomination of it all :lol:

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