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Another life question
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Author:  Ness [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 1:33 am ]
Post subject:  Another life question
I was driving to Minneapolis with a couple of friends yesterday, and I had a lot of time to think (seven hour drive). Here is my situation.

My girlfriend and I have been talking about getting a house. We were planning on moving out some time next year, but now, out of nowhere, she is talking about getting engaged before we move out. Then she brings up marriage and thinks we should get married in Dec. 2007. We have talked about marriage before, and I’m all for it, but I didn’t think she would want it this soon. So basically I need to buy her a fucking ring, ask her to marry me, and then I will have her “permission” to get a house together. I am getting so sick of living at home with my parents I could fucking scream, but now I have to do this crap and it makes me want to punch myself in the face until I’m mangled enough to sway her decision on getting married to me. In all honesty I thought getting married to her would be a good decision, but now I’m having second thoughts. I’m to the point now where I don’t want anything to do with marriage, I think. I am so damn confused right now.

For those of you who think I am crazy for asking people over the internet for advice on a life decision like this, now that I am posting this for another opinion. It is always good to hear a diverse (which this group is) set of opinions. Thanks guys.
Author:  MetalKnight [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 2:09 am ]
Post subject: 
Well, do you love her? I mean really truly?
And about the marriage; how old are you? or more like how young are you... Of course the age doesn't matter, but IMO it would be a bit too soon to haste head first into marriage at a very young age IMO. But surely when you get engaged first you'll see how it goes...

Moving to your own house sounds very good though. But I wouldn't like if I was pressured into engagement in order to do that :?

(I don't know anything about these things but I decided to give you my opinion just in case :) )
Author:  Ness [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 2:15 am ]
Post subject: 
MetalKnight wrote:
Well, do you love her? I mean really truly?
And about the marriage; how old are you? or more like how young are you... Of course the age doesn't matter, but IMO it would be a bit too soon to haste head first into marriage at a very young age IMO. But surely when you get engaged first you'll see how it goes...

Moving to your own house sounds very good though. But I wouldn't like if I was pressured into engagement in order to do that :?

(I don't know anything about these things but I decided to give you my opinion just in case :) )


Thanks for the comment man. Love her? I ask myself the same question. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. But I think a lot of people feel the same in relationships. I think if the pressure wasn't there to get engaged, then I would be in a much better frame of mind right now. And you're right getting married at a young age would suck. I’m 21 right now, but will be 23 by the time we "get married."
Author:  Stefan [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 2:19 am ]
Post subject: 
metalNESS wrote:
Thanks for the comment man. Love her? I ask myself the same question. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. But I think a lot of people feel the same in relationships. I think if the pressure wasn't there to get engaged, then I would be in a much better frame of mind right now. And you're right getting married at a young age would suck. I’m 21 right now, but will be 23 by the time we "get married."


if that's really how you feel (aka uncertain) you should think twice before you commit any further...
I've had love (the big LOVE) and lost it and I can tell you I never asked myself if I loved her, it was so obvious I did !
Author:  Carnifex Umbris [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 2:28 am ]
Post subject: 
If moving in together is contingent on engagement/marriage, that sends up a red flag for me. It's usually a good idea to live together a bit before deciding to get married; dating someone and actually living with them on a daily basis are two different experiences, and the latter might not work well for the two of you. If that's the case, it's better to be able to break off the relationship without it being a "call off the wedding" scenario. If she absolutely refuses to do so...well, if it's not a matter of religious/moral objections, that's kind of off.
Author:  Kathaarian [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 8:15 am ]
Post subject: 
Dude I've seen your girlfriend and I'd cage her as soon as possible if I was you. And some people live 4-5 years engaged, engage her, give her what she wants then postpone the wedding.
Author:  Adam [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 4:28 pm ]
Post subject: 
I'm probably not the best person to ask about this, since I am going through a divorce. However, my advice to you and her would be that you really should try living together before you get married, even if this means you get a one bedroom apartment and she just stays over a lot. No matter how much you may think you know about someone, you don't really know everything until you live together. I will also tell you that if you are at all unsure about marriage, do NOT go through with it. The odds of things working out are not in your favor if this is the case. If you decide that marriage is what you want, you should sit down and go over specifics with her. I don't mean wedding specifics, I mean things like: having children, working schedules, etc. One of the main reasons my wife and I are getting divorced is because she is not ready to work days and settle into "wife and mother" mode. Had we discussed this prior to marriage, we might not have gone through with it in the first place. I also agree with Stefan, love is not something you should have to question, you either do or you don't, simple as that.

Hope that helps, good luck.
Author:  Tlaloc [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 4:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
Ok, I honsetly think that you are too young to get married. Well, by that I mean SHE is too young to get married. From my experience 19 to 25 year old girls are at an age of instability that guys had when we were in our mid to late teens. It is a selfish stage where they can be easily coaxed into doing something stupid with another guy whom they feel is the "duck's nuts" (Aussie slang) without actually considering the consequences. You seem to be feeling pressured into doing three of the most humungously serious things in your life of which you should never feel pressured into doing. At once!

My wife pressured me into the same thing throughout our 9 years of being together, and during that time we have struggled through things that would fell any other relationship. If we got married about five years ago it would have been an absolute disaster. But now we are both older and wiser and we've put all of our troubles behind, and couldn't be happier. The point is that these things take time and patience. They must be done with the upmost enthusiasm of both parties or else one or both of you will be looking out of that expensively mortgaged house thinking of a life that could have been. Maybe you could rent together for a while as a test run.
Author:  Goat [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 4:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
Kayla and A.Feigel are right. Do nothing you may come to regret later. If you're really meant for each other ( :roll: ), a wait won't change things.

Ignore Dogan.
Author:  Stefan [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 4:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Zad wrote:
Ignore Dogan.


wise words...
Author:  Ness [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 6:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for the advice guys. Last night we had a looooong conversation. She asked me how I really felt about the whole situation and I laid down all my cards. I let her know exactly how I felt and she took it very hard, almost to the point of ending the relationship. I think that was mainly her hysterical mood talking though. She is a crier and tends to overreact at even the simplest things. She is coming over tonight, so we’ll see how tonight plays out. Thanks again for the advice guys.

PS – Who is Dogan?
Author:  Stefan [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 6:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
metalNESS wrote:
Thanks for the advice guys. Last night we had a looooong conversation. She asked me how I really felt about the whole situation and I laid down all my cards. I let her know exactly how I felt and she took it very hard, almost to the point of ending the relationship. I think that was mainly her hysterical mood talking though. She is a crier and tends to overreact at even the simplest things. She is coming over tonight, so we’ll see how tonight plays out. Thanks again for the advice guys.

PS – Who is Dogan?


dogan = kathaarian = the man who wants a woman to be pretty over anything else....
Author:  Ness [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 6:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Stefan wrote:
metalNESS wrote:
Thanks for the advice guys. Last night we had a looooong conversation. She asked me how I really felt about the whole situation and I laid down all my cards. I let her know exactly how I felt and she took it very hard, almost to the point of ending the relationship. I think that was mainly her hysterical mood talking though. She is a crier and tends to overreact at even the simplest things. She is coming over tonight, so we’ll see how tonight plays out. Thanks again for the advice guys.

PS – Who is Dogan?


dogan = kathaarian = the man who wants a woman to be pretty over anything else....


HAHA!! I actually laughed at that post. It reminded me of something Borat (from Da Ali G Show)would say.

Yeah, my g/f is good looking, but there is definitely more to our relationship than that.
Author:  Kathaarian [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 9:07 pm ]
Post subject: 
metalNESS wrote:
Stefan wrote:
metalNESS wrote:
Thanks for the advice guys. Last night we had a looooong conversation. She asked me how I really felt about the whole situation and I laid down all my cards. I let her know exactly how I felt and she took it very hard, almost to the point of ending the relationship. I think that was mainly her hysterical mood talking though. She is a crier and tends to overreact at even the simplest things. She is coming over tonight, so we’ll see how tonight plays out. Thanks again for the advice guys.

PS – Who is Dogan?


dogan = kathaarian = the man who wants a woman to be pretty over anything else....


HAHA!! I actually laughed at that post. It reminded me of something Borat (from Da Ali G Show)would say.



Always glad to be of service. Dogan the Marriage Counselor. My advice to all of you "Is the girl hot? Bag her before somebody else."


Thanks that will be 100 $.
Author:  Fingon [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 9:09 pm ]
Post subject: 
Kathaarian wrote:
metalNESS wrote:
Stefan wrote:
metalNESS wrote:
Thanks for the advice guys. Last night we had a looooong conversation. She asked me how I really felt about the whole situation and I laid down all my cards. I let her know exactly how I felt and she took it very hard, almost to the point of ending the relationship. I think that was mainly her hysterical mood talking though. She is a crier and tends to overreact at even the simplest things. She is coming over tonight, so we’ll see how tonight plays out. Thanks again for the advice guys.

PS – Who is Dogan?


dogan = kathaarian = the man who wants a woman to be pretty over anything else....


HAHA!! I actually laughed at that post. It reminded me of something Borat (from Da Ali G Show)would say.



Always glad to be of service. Dogan the Marriage Counselor. My advice to all of you "Is the girl hot? Bag her before somebody else."


Thanks that will be 100 $.


i'd pay you 500 if you can tell me how to get rid of a hot female stalker! :D
Author:  Stefan [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 9:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
Fingon wrote:
Kathaarian wrote:
metalNESS wrote:
Stefan wrote:
metalNESS wrote:
Thanks for the advice guys. Last night we had a looooong conversation. She asked me how I really felt about the whole situation and I laid down all my cards. I let her know exactly how I felt and she took it very hard, almost to the point of ending the relationship. I think that was mainly her hysterical mood talking though. She is a crier and tends to overreact at even the simplest things. She is coming over tonight, so we’ll see how tonight plays out. Thanks again for the advice guys.

PS – Who is Dogan?


dogan = kathaarian = the man who wants a woman to be pretty over anything else....


HAHA!! I actually laughed at that post. It reminded me of something Borat (from Da Ali G Show)would say.



Always glad to be of service. Dogan the Marriage Counselor. My advice to all of you "Is the girl hot? Bag her before somebody else."


Thanks that will be 100 $.


i'd pay you 500 if you can tell me how to get rid of a hot female stalker! :D


if it's the cutie you've shown us the other day, I have many many many many many ideas :wink:
Author:  Fingon [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 9:16 pm ]
Post subject: 
Stefan wrote:
Fingon wrote:
Kathaarian wrote:
metalNESS wrote:
Stefan wrote:
metalNESS wrote:
Thanks for the advice guys. Last night we had a looooong conversation. She asked me how I really felt about the whole situation and I laid down all my cards. I let her know exactly how I felt and she took it very hard, almost to the point of ending the relationship. I think that was mainly her hysterical mood talking though. She is a crier and tends to overreact at even the simplest things. She is coming over tonight, so we’ll see how tonight plays out. Thanks again for the advice guys.

PS – Who is Dogan?


dogan = kathaarian = the man who wants a woman to be pretty over anything else....


HAHA!! I actually laughed at that post. It reminded me of something Borat (from Da Ali G Show)would say.



Always glad to be of service. Dogan the Marriage Counselor. My advice to all of you "Is the girl hot? Bag her before somebody else."


Thanks that will be 100 $.


i'd pay you 500 if you can tell me how to get rid of a hot female stalker! :D


if it's the cutie you've shown us the other day, I have many many many many many ideas :wink:


it's another one, slightly less cute but still cute enough to make our friend Zadok have perverted orange juice themed ideas :twisted:
Author:  Kathaarian [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 9:16 pm ]
Post subject: 
Fingon wrote:
Kathaarian wrote:
metalNESS wrote:
Stefan wrote:
metalNESS wrote:
Thanks for the advice guys. Last night we had a looooong conversation. She asked me how I really felt about the whole situation and I laid down all my cards. I let her know exactly how I felt and she took it very hard, almost to the point of ending the relationship. I think that was mainly her hysterical mood talking though. She is a crier and tends to overreact at even the simplest things. She is coming over tonight, so we’ll see how tonight plays out. Thanks again for the advice guys.

PS – Who is Dogan?


dogan = kathaarian = the man who wants a woman to be pretty over anything else....


HAHA!! I actually laughed at that post. It reminded me of something Borat (from Da Ali G Show)would say.



Always glad to be of service. Dogan the Marriage Counselor. My advice to all of you "Is the girl hot? Bag her before somebody else."


Thanks that will be 100 $.


i'd pay you 500 if you can tell me how to get rid of a hot female stalker! :D



Hmmm. They taught us this in college. Ask her to marry you. Their default response is "aw this was too fast.." then hit her with a bludgeoning object and drop her into a river.



My teacher would be so proud. :cry:
Author:  deathkvlt [ Fri Feb 03, 2006 1:59 am ]
Post subject: 
Sir Wanksalot wrote:
Ok, I honsetly think that you are too young to get married. Well, by that I mean SHE is too young to get married. From my experience 19 to 25 year old girls are at an age of instability that guys had when we were in our mid to late teens. It is a selfish stage where they can be easily coaxed into doing something stupid with another guy whom they feel is the "duck's nuts" (Aussie slang) without actually considering the consequences. You seem to be feeling pressured into doing three of the most humungously serious things in your life of which you should never feel pressured into doing. At once!

My wife pressured me into the same thing throughout our 9 years of being together, and during that time we have struggled through things that would fell any other relationship. If we got married about five years ago it would have been an absolute disaster. But now we are both older and wiser and we've put all of our troubles behind, and couldn't be happier. The point is that these things take time and patience. They must be done with the upmost enthusiasm of both parties or else one or both of you will be looking out of that expensively mortgaged house thinking of a life that could have been. Maybe you could rent together for a while as a test run.


This is some great advice.
Author:  Goat [ Fri Feb 03, 2006 11:25 am ]
Post subject: 
metalNESS wrote:
Thanks for the advice guys. Last night we had a looooong conversation. She asked me how I really felt about the whole situation and I laid down all my cards. I let her know exactly how I felt and she took it very hard, almost to the point of ending the relationship. I think that was mainly her hysterical mood talking though. She is a crier and tends to overreact at even the simplest things. She is coming over tonight, so we’ll see how tonight plays out. Thanks again for the advice guys.

PS – Who is Dogan?


Whoa...even the "I'm not sure if I love you" bit? I mean, I'm all for honesty but that's a bit tactless, no? Just because you're not getting married yet doesn't mean the relationship is over.

Yeah, Quinten, lots of ideas. PM me with more info.
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