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The Tourney 3 - Match 1, Round 1, Dead Machine vs Stefan
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Author:  NewFriendAncientEnemy [ Wed Mar 08, 2006 7:34 am ]
Post subject:  The Tourney 3 - Match 1, Round 1, Dead Machine vs Stefan
Stefan PMed me with some work he did, so Aaron, you got your match!

And now, business:
Okay, here's how it will work. For the next 24 hours, Dead Machine and Stefan will have exactly 24 hours to post a poem/set of lyrics. The second both poems are posted, all people are free to vote. Please make your vote obvious, and be nice!

Voting will end exactly 48 hours from now.

1 poem
vs
1 poem

One vote per poster. Happy writing, all!

Now on tap: Dead Machine vs Stefan

Next up: Zad vs Kathaarian (Friday 3/10/06 - Saturday 3/11/06)
Author:  NewFriendAncientEnemy [ Wed Mar 08, 2006 6:46 pm ]
Post subject: 
Stefan sent me this poem, and I think he's gone on vacation, so I'm going to post it for him so it can be up ASAP. Folks, I just wanna let all know that Stefan really came through for this match, especially since he had to take it on short notice.

Because he may or may not want this as his finalized poem, I'm giving him the right to post any changes or edits during the rest of today's half of the match. That being said, here is what he wrote:

Stefan wrote:
"The Last Defeat of the Hidden Son (of a bitch)"

A white sheet of paper
And my mind is blank
I feel like trapped underwater
Will I stand my rank ?
Just put a word after the other
And I try to make a line
I can feel it now, it’s getting better
The best lyrics are mine !

Aaron
Come and get me
Aaron
You crazy bitch
Aaron
You’re not up to me
Aaron
You write bullshit

And now the flow is here
Ain’t that easy baby ?
The pencil’s running, no more fear
Words rushing like crazy
I know this song don’t mean shit
But I made it by myself
And now I’m waiting for your bit
Prolly be ‘bout a dragon or an elf…

Aaron
Come and get me
Aaron
You crazy pest
Aaron
You’ll never win
Aaron
For I’m the best !



Hmmm... an interesting little bit. I sense a personal message within the texts. Maybe I'm just crazy. :D
Author:  Fingon [ Wed Mar 08, 2006 7:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
lol..i think we have a winner..unless Aaron has a brilliant frenchman bashing poem :twisted:
Author:  Misha [ Wed Mar 08, 2006 7:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
Fingon wrote:
lol..i think we have a winner..unless Aaron has a brilliant frenchman bashing poem :twisted:

Ahahaha, exactly!
Author:  Eyesore [ Wed Mar 08, 2006 7:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
I think each person should PM their entry to NewFriend and he should post them at the same time. See, say I post something first, then whoever I'm up against has the chance to respond directly to mine. That takes away the randomness of it all.

For instance, Aaron can now directly go on the offense against what Stefanie wrote.
Author:  Stefan [ Wed Mar 08, 2006 8:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
Eyesore wrote:
I think each person should PM their entry to NewFriend and he should post them at the same time. See, say I post something first, then whoever I'm up against has the chance to respond directly to mine. That takes away the randomness of it all.

For instance, Aaron can now directly go on the offense against what Stefanie wrote.


you're right.. and that's indeed a good idea.

but we all know that's not Aaron's style of writing so it would look very suspicious if he did 8)

NP
The Supertramp Anthology
Author:  NewFriendAncientEnemy [ Wed Mar 08, 2006 9:26 pm ]
Post subject: 
Eyesore wrote:
I think each person should PM their entry to NewFriend and he should post them at the same time. See, say I post something first, then whoever I'm up against has the chance to respond directly to mine. That takes away the randomness of it all.

For instance, Aaron can now directly go on the offense against what Stefanie wrote.


Nah, over complicated. I don't think anyone else is gunna go and make a poem aimed directly at their opponent. Only Stefan would be so cute. :P

But, if that's what you want, then get your opponent to agree to the stipulation, and we'll do it that way for your match. Same goes for EVERYONE. Alright?
Author:  Dead Machine [ Wed Mar 08, 2006 11:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quick response, all improv:

Quote:
Steve steve steve, you know what you've done?
Make like the rest of your people and RUN
I suggest you kill your OWN self dead,
before I throw a bowl of pork soup over your damn head.
It'll be saving me the trouble, if you don't mind
Less'n I scrape you off my heel like an orange rind.
Dragons and elves don't enter MY plan,
But it'll end with you vomiting into the sand.

STEVE, STEVE, STEVE, you're lost up your ass
But if I pull you out, maybe this'll pass.
STEVE, STEVE, STEVE, your lyrics are crap
Take your teddy and blankie, and have yourself a nap.

Don't throw up all those snails you had for lunch,
Then again, they were tainted; that's my hunch
The chef hadn't showered in the last two decades
His stink shoulda made you reach for the Rolaids.
Sure, you promenade like the sugar in a lemonade
But your courage is house-made, from when you're paid
Now that all that's in your head, I say we make a trade:
You go on and bugger off, and I don't inject you with AIDS.

STEVE, STEVE, STEVE, you're lost up your ass
But if I pull you out, maybe this'll pass.
STEVE, STEVE, STEVE, in the sand you've sunk
I told you man, those lyrics were bunk.


And now my actual poem:

Quote:
MODERN WENDIGO

Like a jester
standing on a
cliff's edge, I
walk towards it
reach the entrance
Bypass a failure
in the works.

Those eyes are
still watching me
burning stars on
my neck, like
needles of knowledge.
Staring down the
horizon, I go.

But how could
it be so
far, there's still
so long to walk.

Ninety miles, more
all near that
lying watching tower.
sight-tentacles smother
function and logic
body and mind
soul and freedom.

Perhaps I could
walk one day
so far out
that it couldn't
see me anymore
that I could
escape this all
leave it behind.
To fester, to rot.

Fool's thought that it is.
Falling stars I watch, apprehensive
feeling that ugly stare.

Then I go
into the sunset.
Walking wind,
walking emptiness.
Author:  Stefan [ Wed Mar 08, 2006 11:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
Dead Machine wrote:
Quick response, all improv:

Quote:
Steve steve steve, you know what you've done?
Make like the rest of your people and RUN
I suggest you kill your OWN self dead,
before I throw a bowl of pork soup over your damn head.
It'll be saving me the trouble, if you don't mind
Less'n I scrape you off my heel like an orange rind.
Dragons and elves don't enter MY plan,
But it'll end with you vomiting into the sand.

STEVE, STEVE, STEVE, you're lost up your ass
But if I pull you out, maybe this'll pass.
STEVE, STEVE, STEVE, your lyrics are crap
Take your teddy and blankie, and have yourself a nap.

Don't throw up all those snails you had for lunch,
Then again, they were tainted; that's my hunch
The chef hadn't showered in the last two decades
His stink shoulda made you reach for the Rolaids.
Sure, you promenade like the sugar in a lemonade
But your courage is house-made, from when you're paid
Now that all that's in your head, I say we make a trade:
You go on and bugger off, and I don't inject you with AIDS.

STEVE, STEVE, STEVE, you're lost up your ass
But if I pull you out, maybe this'll pass.
STEVE, STEVE, STEVE, in the sand you've sunk
I told you man, those lyrics were bunk.


And now my actual poem:

Quote:
MODERN WENDIGO

Like a jester
standing on a
cliff's edge, I
walk towards it
reach the entrance
Bypass a failure
in the works.

Those eyes are
still watching me
burning stars on
my neck, like
needles of knowledge.
Staring down the
horizon, I go.

But how could
it be so
far, there's still
so long to walk.

Ninety miles, more
all near that
lying watching tower.
sight-tentacles smother
function and logic
body and mind
soul and freedom.

Perhaps I could
walk one day
so far out
that it couldn't
see me anymore
that I could
escape this all
leave it behind.
To fester, to rot.

Fool's thought that it is.
Falling stars I watch, apprehensive
feeling that ugly stare.

Then I go
into the sunset.
Walking wind,
walking emptiness.


the rap bit reminded me the worst of 8Mile... was that on purpose ? :roll:

and, Aaron, you've got to choose. it's n°1 or n°2 that goes against mine... and you'll have to get rid of the other... :P

NP
Jim Black "Splay"
Author:  Eyesore [ Wed Mar 08, 2006 11:47 pm ]
Post subject: 
Aaron, you got skill. You should publish.
Author:  Dead Machine [ Wed Mar 08, 2006 11:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
Stefan wrote:
the rap bit reminded me the worst of 8Mile... was that on purpose ? :roll:

and, Aaron, you've got to choose. it's n°1 or n°2 that goes against mine... and you'll have to get rid of the other... :P

NP
Jim Black "Splay"


And I suppose that yours was this generations answer to TS Eliot?

It's the second one. I wrote the first for fun. No harm in that.

Eyesore wrote:
Aaron, you got skill. You should publish.


An entire book of my sad-sack poetry would get very boring, very quickly. But thanks for the compliment.
Author:  NewFriendAncientEnemy [ Thu Mar 09, 2006 12:10 am ]
Post subject: 
My brow is furrowed right now. This is going to be tough...


Both are rather good on the surface.

On the one hand, you have Stefan's... what I would call a very "Cute" poem. That's really what it is. Cute. Blunt, and direct, but very sappy. However, no one knows the circumstances it was written under better than I. It was a rush job. Last minute. So it would seem. And so I know, though this is because me and Stefan conversed a bit about this situation.

However, in alot of ways, this poem really is a gift of brilliance (stumbled upon?) for all of us involved. Yeah, addressing Aaron himself is rather childish. But, at the same time, considering he was called out on the spot, Stefan delivered something we'll all be able to relate to. Writer's block... The pressure to write something of worth. And that's exactly where the poem begins. He takes us through the steps, and Eureka(!), he has an idea for the very best poem: The one you are reading!

Themes... trapped underwater. Trying to meet his rank, which was actually #4 considering the last tournament. Then,

Stefan wrote:
Aaron
Come and get me
Aaron
You crazy bitch
Aaron
You’re not up to me
Aaron
You write bullshit


he hits you with that, "Come get me, I've got nothing to loose!" attitude. The slight errors in grammar aren't really valid in any case, however, they really fit the moment. And the "Bullshit" comment not rhyming makes me laugh heartily. The second part is filled with more recognizable charm that can only be Stefan's, but a single line really kicks ass!

Stefan wrote:
I know this song don’t mean shit
But I made it by myself


Cocky and awesome.

All and all, I really feel Stefan's depicts the last minute rush of pulling something out. If it was accidental, props. If it was on purpose, PROPS.

Note: I'm not giving Stefan any handicap, either. I really am looking for the better poem.

As for Aaron. Well, his improv was funny. I never really laughed aloud, except at the part about injecting someone with AIDS. Outlandish, and wicked.

The real poem... Hmmm. I'm not entirely sure how to take this on. I THOUGHT I had a solid understanding of what a Wendigo was, but, I guess I need to know more. Cuz I'm left wanting more. That may or may not be a good thing.

It flows quick. Over before you know it.

Conclusion: I wanna know more about the Wendigo, so I can maybe picture the "modern Wendigo." So, I go now to do research, because like I said, this poem makes me want more. I just can't figure out if I want more poem, or more Aaron in the tournament.
Author:  Dead Machine [ Thu Mar 09, 2006 12:17 am ]
Post subject: 
The 'modern wendigo' title is just wordplay on the 'walking wind, walking emptiness' line near the bottom. Wendigos are spirits that walk on the wind and kill you by dragging your feet on ice until they're just bloody stumps and then tossing you into the snow to freeze to death.

If I have to explain all this, it's obviously not a good poem. Just vote Steve and be done with it.
Author:  NewFriendAncientEnemy [ Thu Mar 09, 2006 12:30 am ]
Post subject: 
Dead Machine wrote:
The 'modern wendigo' title is just wordplay on the 'walking wind, walking emptiness' line near the bottom. Wendigos are spirits that walk on the wind and kill you by dragging your feet on ice until they're just bloody stumps and then tossing you into the snow to freeze to death.

If I have to explain all this, it's obviously not a good poem. Just vote Steve and be done with it.


ARRGGH!!! You aren't supposed to tell me this!

But, I suppose it's helpful for people to know Wendigo myth. I was WAY off...

...though I thought Wendigo might be something to that effect, due to a Wendigo story in that beautiful animated 'Scary Stories' series I loved as a child (Best art EVER).

However, I'd wrongly decided it was some Big Foot-like creature, similar to a Yeti, roaming frosty Canada. Now I'm SURE that was only in X-Men (The Canadian team... The Alpha Squad or something like that. They had some giant bigfoot guy named 'Wendigo.' I could be wrong.)

Nothing to be done with, just yet. I just needed a little education.
Author:  lizardtail [ Thu Mar 09, 2006 12:43 am ]
Post subject: 
I'll vote for Dead Machine, methinks.. his work conjures up images in my head, and his style is a little like mine so that'd be a cool match-up. no offense to TIEs hardcore call-out song - I grinned all the way through it - but I like DM's poem better.
Author:  Carnifex Umbris [ Thu Mar 09, 2006 12:57 am ]
Post subject: 
My vote goes to Aaron. Even ignoring the fact his first made me laugh out loud, while Stefan's merely made me smile, his "real" one comes out on top. (Although I already knew what a wendigo was, so maybe that had something to do with it. Regardless, I think the wordplay is superior. Sorry, Stefan.)
Author:  Eyesore [ Thu Mar 09, 2006 1:01 am ]
Post subject: 
Dead Machine wrote:
Eyesore wrote:
Aaron, you got skill. You should publish.


An entire book of my sad-sack poetry would get very boring, very quickly. But thanks for the compliment.

Shit, I've done it three times so far! It's very cathartic. You should seriously consider it.

EDIT: My vote goes to Aaron, by the way. Stef's was funny, but I like Aaron's style of writing in this poem, it's similar to my style.
Author:  NewFriendAncientEnemy [ Thu Mar 09, 2006 1:06 am ]
Post subject: 
Okay, okay, okay, I've made my descision:

Stefan's was really funny. More importantly, it was memorable. I wish it could be my signature, followed by, "The Tournament 3, coming to a forum near you!"... OR something like that. It's THE mascot for the process of the writing.

However...
Despite how little the 'Wendigo' you explained really relates to your poem (in my eyes), and despite whatever cryptic meaning that eludes me, I still find something in there that I like. I liked it when I thought the reference was about a bigfoot. And I like it still, now that I know I'm a moron. I shared why I thought Stefan's was good. So, here's a shot in the dark; what you've caused me to see.

A man. A traveller. A lonely ghost of a soul. An endless journey. Lack of destiny, and permanent escape. I know nothing about the eyes, except that they are everywhere. No matter how far his feet take him, he's always within the perimeters of the same prison. I'm thinking... Outcast.

All in all, Stefan performed a great service to the tournament, in more ways than one. You, however, did a great service for my brain. It was a solid poem, but it remains pristine, and uncut, and I feel lesser for not being able to scratch its surface. So I'll continue to ponder on it. As for now, I'll take what I can from the experience, and suggest you write again, because I would like to see more.

Official Vote: Dead Machine - Modern Wendigo
Author:  Ness [ Thu Mar 09, 2006 3:09 am ]
Post subject: 
It's a difficult decision for me. I liked the humor in Stefan's but I like DM's for it's feeling. I'm not 100% sure what it means, but it has a lot of emotion behind it. At least that is my take on it.

Edit - I vote Dead Machine
Author:  Stefan [ Thu Mar 09, 2006 5:12 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Comme un écho dans ma tête
Quelque chose de douloureux
Je me voyais à la fête
Me voilà malheureux
Ainsi donc vous n’avez pas aimé
Mes paroles satyriques
Et c’est Aaron que vous choisissez
Et sa prose pseudo onirique
Même si ça ne rime pas
Et que la poésie à peine l’effleure
Je ne m’y attendais pas
D’où ma mauvaise humeur
Alors suis-je mauvais joueur
Ou juste mal jugé ?
Auriez-vous donc tous peur
De mon talent inné ?
Et si personne ne comprend
Ces quelques lignes improvisées
Qu’importe ! (mon cœur saignant)
Au fond, je sais que j’ai gagné

:P

NP
Adagio - Underworld
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