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Jellyfish day! https://metalreviews.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=6027 |
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Author: | Radagast [ Wed Apr 26, 2006 12:59 pm ] |
Post subject: | Jellyfish day! |
Here's an email I just received from someone in work: Quote: The story says it all - I have nothing else to add...
You may have read this but its always a good one - JELLYFISH DAY This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work ... think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore Drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana , who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won. Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water.It 's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So,of course, I scratched it.This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However,the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job,I love my job, I love my job." Now whenever you have a bad day,ask yourself,Is this a jellyfish bad day? May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!! :o |
Author: | rio [ Wed Apr 26, 2006 1:21 pm ] |
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Author: | Eternal Idol [ Wed Apr 26, 2006 2:13 pm ] |
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Ouch! |
Author: | Orion [ Wed Apr 26, 2006 2:32 pm ] |
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haha...that's awesome |
Author: | CĂș Chulainn [ Wed Apr 26, 2006 5:35 pm ] |
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long live Spongebob and Patrick! "Jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing!" |
Author: | Azrael [ Wed Apr 26, 2006 7:20 pm ] |
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this guy must have some awesome tales from the J.O.B. awesome story ![]() |
Author: | deathkvlt [ Wed Apr 26, 2006 7:36 pm ] |
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ROFL |
Author: | Kathaarian [ Wed Apr 26, 2006 7:53 pm ] |
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Hahaha, now this should be a fucking chainmail, its better than all the bullshit I get. |
Author: | December Flower [ Wed Apr 26, 2006 9:34 pm ] |
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:shock: Holy fucking hell that's some insane shit ![]() |
Author: | Tlaloc [ Thu Apr 27, 2006 7:00 am ] |
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At least it wasn't a giant squid. |
Author: | PhyrWolf [ Thu Apr 27, 2006 8:34 am ] |
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Too bad it didn't hit the other side. |
Author: | Goat [ Thu Apr 27, 2006 10:41 am ] |
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Anyone hear the one about the guy in the swimming pool who sat on the filter thingy? That makes this look fun in comparison... :shock: |
Author: | Radagast [ Thu Apr 27, 2006 11:35 am ] |
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Zad wrote: Anyone hear the one about the guy in the swimming pool who sat on the filter thingy? That makes this look fun in comparison... :shock:
Prolapsing? :| |
Author: | deathkvlt [ Thu Apr 27, 2006 4:12 pm ] |
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Zad wrote: Anyone hear the one about the guy in the swimming pool who sat on the filter thingy? That makes this look fun in comparison... :shock:
Do tell. |
Author: | rio [ Thu Apr 27, 2006 4:19 pm ] |
Post subject: | |
I heard about it in detail, but I really don't want to tell :( Oh, go on then. In a nutshell, his intestines where pulled through his anus as he tried to pleasure his ring by putting it up against the fan in the swimming pool. He tried to swim away, but he was still attached to his intestines, which were jammed into the fan. So he just had to wrench himself free to avoid suffocating. So not only did he irreperably damage his internal organs, he also turned his bowels inside out and filled the pool with poo. And when he pulled himself out, he passed out through loss of blood by the pool. Where he was discovered by his parents. |
Author: | Radagast [ Thu Apr 27, 2006 4:25 pm ] |
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Lovely. |
Author: | rio [ Thu Apr 27, 2006 4:31 pm ] |
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If that's the one Zad meant, then I don't think it really happened. I think it's made up by Chuck Palahniuk for a series of short stories called "Guts", where he tried to create the most revolting images imaginable. |
Author: | Radagast [ Thu Apr 27, 2006 4:58 pm ] |
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Does seem a tad unlikely - just how tough would it be to sever your own intestines underwater? |
Author: | Goat [ Sun Apr 30, 2006 11:13 am ] |
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Radagast wrote: Does seem a tad unlikely - just how tough would it be to sever your own intestines underwater?
Well, if he was drowning at the time, surely a few good tugs... Bleugh. |
Author: | rio [ Sun Apr 30, 2006 11:34 am ] |
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Yeah. If you're desperate anything's possible. Don't forget he could have just used both his legs to push away from the side of the pool, leaving them attached to the fan. |
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