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Writing Competition: Poetry Wing: R1, M1: Brahm_K vs Zad
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Author:  Goat [ Fri May 25, 2007 2:19 am ]
Post subject:  Writing Competition: Poetry Wing: R1, M1: Brahm_K vs Zad
Here we go. I'm going to post my poem now, Brahm has 24 hours to post his, and once his is up the voting can begin. Obviously, normal voting rules apply, like vote once, Brahm and I can't vote in this match, and... etc. May the best poem win!
Author:  Goat [ Fri May 25, 2007 2:23 am ]
Post subject:  Here's mine.
A dark day dawns with a blackened Sun born afresh, ruling the sky.
Inspired by the fire that is drawn from His ire, flesh again is ripped
And blood spilt on the earth forms words across a vast wintry page…

Succinctly, no pardon for man, seeking truths yet not asking why
They gazed into the high heavens as a reversed eclipse caught their eye,
Stupidly entranced whilst down on earth thousands pointlessly die…

‘There is nothing that is new, nothing that has not been done.’
We should be ruling stars; instead we’re twiddling thumbs,
Enslaved by imaginary gods of all shapes and compromises.
Evolution ended at Hiroshima, when His light enveloped the planet
And the blind faith of rabid millions turned from rubber to granite.

Do dead babies turn you on? Or is it that stench of uranium
That releases toxins of delight into your cranium?
Walking in your own little worlds, calling yourselves cynical
Without ever having tasted the wonders of true doubt.
Mankind and animal share the same intellectual pinnacle,
Is there any wonder there’s a mental drought?

The Trident is pointed directly at your single, idiotic head
And if nothing intervenes then we’ll all end up dead.
Still believing the Redskins are dancing their war dance,
Still terrified of the Kremlin as politicians take a chance.

Watching the skies as the minds rot inside, the despised remnants;
Wanton putrefaction inside the chains that keep the plebeians down.
And as the mutant children are born and themselves give birth
To wordless horrors that by their existence make Lovecraft a clown,
What little decayed life is left gradually loses its worth
As the universe tilts in raging reprisal for the last dying plants,
Ripped up to make way for more viral humans in their pathetic dance…

If you care about our savagely molested mother earth,
Assuming you’re not too occupied in increasing your worth,
Then come now and listen, man and woman, one and all,
Or are you too busy waiting for the nukes to fall?
Author:  Caligula_K [ Fri May 25, 2007 2:47 am ]
Post subject: 
Ode to the West Goat

I

Oh West Goat!
Thou art so westerly
Thou travelst not in ways east
Nor dost thou go north
Excepting then that thou goest west
When caribous are playing basketball by the pool
Thou givest them cheese to drink
And the platypus to eat

II

Oh West Goat!
Thou art made of sunsets
And the cries of little children.
There be no piece of grass
Which thou dost not eat
Thine eyes are like fire
Thine bladder like a gall bladder
Verily, hast thou not been a carrot cake?

III

Oh West Goat!
When thou performst the Madison
Thine moustache beith twice the width of Stalin’s
And four times as edible
When Khrushchev beist ill,
Thine proud face lights up the Soviet Union
And yea! Even Gorbachev shalt delight
When Boris Yeltsin put his cock in thee

IV

Oh Jean Chrétien!
Why must thou torment me so?
With chiselled chest
With manly breasts!
When Paul Martin ruleth all
And the West Goat is thine in marriage
I, I shalt take the road less travelled by,
And lick thy left nipple.

(I think mine's deeper than Zad's).
Author:  unknownkadath666 [ Fri May 25, 2007 3:41 am ]
Post subject: 
My vote goes to brahm
Author:  Ness [ Fri May 25, 2007 12:49 pm ]
Post subject: 
HAHAHAHA!! Mine goes to Brahm. I like yours Zad, but I'm all for comedy in poetry.
Author:  Kathaarian [ Fri May 25, 2007 3:47 pm ]
Post subject: 
Brahm made me chuckle but I'm a sad sick bastard too and I can relate, so my vote goes to Zad.

Brahm, yours was very good and very funny. Post more of this shit bro.
Author:  Antonakis [ Fri May 25, 2007 6:12 pm ]
Post subject: 
Eventhough I didn't like either particularly much my vote goes to Zad. It was a close call though because both poems have good and bad points. I could not decide but at the end my vote was won more by Zad's intentions with his poem than the poem itself.
Author:  Mintrude [ Fri May 25, 2007 7:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
Zad, though I liked Brahm's. Zad's reminded me of some Black Sabbath lyrics
Author:  Cú Chulainn [ Fri May 25, 2007 8:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
my vote goes to Brahm.


Where did all the metric go??
Author:  heatseeker [ Fri May 25, 2007 10:47 pm ]
Post subject: 
Zad...

At first I thought Brahm's was the better one, but then I reread Zad's and understood the thesis better...on first read I thought it was a little unclear.
Author:  Anonymous [ Sat May 26, 2007 1:22 am ]
Post subject: 
Zad. It reminds me very, very much of Slayer, RiB era. The best parts of those lyrics hacked apart and personified.
Author:  Fingon [ Sat May 26, 2007 6:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
Brahm although i thought it was a hard call
Author:  OldSchool [ Sat May 26, 2007 7:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
Easy choice. Brahm.
Author:  The_Voice [ Sat May 26, 2007 9:04 pm ]
Post subject: 
Brahm.
Author:  Goat [ Sun May 27, 2007 1:51 am ]
Post subject: 
With voting over at midnight, the result is:

Brahm_K received 6 votes.
I received 5 votes.

THEREFORE, I lost, Brahm_K wins the first match of the first round! Congratulations!
Author:  Caligula_K [ Sun May 27, 2007 2:35 am ]
Post subject: 
Wow... No accounting for taste with kids these days. I'm very shocked I won, considering the quality of Zad's and the fact that mine was composed in ten minutes a while back while drinking rum. Cheers, Zad, and onto Round 2! Thanks for the support, crazy people.
Author:  unknownkadath666 [ Sun May 27, 2007 4:12 am ]
Post subject: 
Brahm_K wrote:
Wow... No accounting for taste with kids these days. I'm very shocked I won, considering the quality of Zad's and the fact that mine was composed in ten minutes a while back while drinking rum. Cheers, Zad, and onto Round 2! Thanks for the support, crazy people.



I think thats the exact quality that made it win.

ZAD- I don't know if you had anyone else read it before posting here, but a little tweaking woudl have made it seem alot better IMO. There were a few points where the rhyme/metter seemed forced and the tone got sort of thrown by it. An example would be the begining of stanza 4
Author:  DevotedWalnut [ Sun May 27, 2007 6:57 am ]
Post subject: 
Do they have to be that long? Mine is very very short...I PM it to Zad, he knows how short it is.
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