Metal Reviews

After signing with Sony Music in January, Agoraphobic Nosebleed's 2006 released PCP Torpedo/ANbRX shocked the world by reaching #1 on the Billboard Top 200 last Monday. "It appears grindcore has overtaken such genres as nu-metal, hip hop, and boy bands as the dominant form of music with the mainstream. And PCP Torpedo is proof positive of this. The speedy riffs, drum machine drum tracks, and grunting vocals are what mainstream music is all about." said an anonymous Billboard columnist.
Right now Agoraphobic Nosebleed is set to appear in such big name publications as Rolling Stone magazine, and has already landed a spot on MTV's Total Request Live, where their hit song Crash Course To Maximum Nowhere is now the number 1 most requested song, beating out has-beens like The Killers and Justin Timberlake.

Of course, Agoraphobic Nosebleed's signing with Sony Music has caused quite a stir with the metal community. Many are accusing the band of selling out. "It's just so sad, you know," said an anonymous ex-Agoraphobic Nosebleed fan, "A band as talented as Agoraphobic Nosebleed would turn their backs on their loyal fans in favor of teenybopper TRL fans and nu-metal whigger types. Lately, I've seen twelve year old girls on the street wearing Agoraphobic Nosebleed tee-shirts. It's just so disappointing they'd stoop so low just for the all mighty dollar." Although Agoraphobic Nosebleed frontman Richard G. Johnson publicly denied any rumors that the band sold out, he also had this to say about his fans, "Fuck them. What matters most when making music is the money. Nobody can take that away from us, dude." Johnson has also recently proposed a suit against such fileshare programs as Soulseek for the people who have been allegedly downloading the band's music.

The remaining bandmembers offered no comment on Richard Johnson's recent decision to sue these fileshare programs.

I don't usually say this but WTF?

What the hell?? SRSLY?

Oh, I get it. April Fool...

That wasn't too funny

Sounded like an article from The Onion

I see a couple people actually believed my April Fools joke.

I actually went and looked.

The band is great though, every song is like less than 20 secs long.

Yeah, for those in the not-know, AN is a grindcore band. The songs are, on average, probably only about 15 seconds long (you could even hear the full songs on Amazon.com, since their "song clips" are probably longer than a lot of the band's actual songs). They have the same shock gimmick bands like Cannibal Corpse and Cattle Decapitation have. I deliberately chose them for this joke since they are probably about the most unlikely band to ever hit the mainstream.

BTW, I think they're a Relapse Records band.