It is a policy at Metalreviews that every band that submits their own album for a review gets one. Hell, it isn’t even a policy, we are just trying to do what we can. Everybody deserves to be heard. However, we obviously reserve the right to say what we think, no sugarcoating. One obviously needs many listens to get into an album, trying to understand what the artist was trying to convey. Generally, I do not even start taking any notes on the album until I have spun it 5-6 times. With the Frenchmen Punish Yourself I have punished myself twice and deemed that to be enough. It was probably one time too many anyway.

How and why this was sent to Metalreviews will remain the mystery to me. Do the guys really think this is metal? Since when does cyberpunk qualify as metal? Punish Yourself either has a very broad outlook on what goes as metal these days or they simply want exposure on just about any music review site they can get.

Face and body paint a la Batman’s Joker aside, on the front page of their website Punish Yourself suggest to fuck off if you don’t like the machines, guitars, gay people, sex, drugs and violence. I love guitars, have no problem with gay people and their sub-culture, don’t do drugs, resent violence and prefer to remain private about my sex life. However, I certainly do not like when machines substitute real instruments turning music into cyberwhatever. Punish Yourself, on the opposite, think that it is the best music when it is created by the machines, so I probably should fuck off.

Sexplosive Locomotive is a passable music for a downtown Paris or Toulouse rave bar, not a metal club. The whole thing is centered around pretty aggressive dance beat, electronic loops and one chord guitar riffs. There – the sound of an album described in one sentence. One of the guys in Punish Yourself is seen on the website holding the drumsticks, but for the life of me I can’t believe there is real drumming going on with this album. Add to this some punkish processed screams, sometimes male, sometimes female and the picture is complete. In the Press section of the site I found it pretty hilarious that one guy could come up with a track by track review for this album. I guess you have to be into this style. This is so monotonous it is unbelievable, even the song structure is always the same – first come the loops, then the beat starts, then the band tries to slam you against the wall with the combination of all of the above plus one chord heavy guitars. Song after song after song. Why couldn’t they start with the guitars and finish with synthesizers at least?

The guys obviously have a message. Its entirety is lost on me, but the infinite wisdom is seeping from the song titles such as the opener Gay Boys in Bondage, See Ya Later Alligator, Gimme Cocaine and, of course, Gimme (More) Cocaine. Samples are used plentifully including various female oh-ahs, some Russian drunken communist guy and Mr. Bush. Some political references are made with CNN War and U.S.D. (We Are Ready), but I won’t go there. Let’s leave politics out of it and concentrate on the music.

If you think I am too stiff and taking myself too seriously, I probably won’t change your mind. If you think the kids should be allowed to have fun, I can put up with that. Let them. I’ll pretend this CD was sent to the wrong address and give it “no quote”. It really doesn’t deserve any.