Metal Reviews

Due to lack of time, and Naffy's no-show, Dogan and I decided to go for it. You can add the rules etc, Naffy.

A bit of an intro to mine: I've been very busy the past week, what with this and writing reviews for Blastwave I've not had a lot of time spare. Origionally I had a "ancient city under siege" crappy thing planned, but it wasn't working, and I was running out of time, so I went with this instead. I could do better with more time, I'm sure...

Anyway, enough whining. Here it be (edited for spelling):


"Expect too much, get nothing, my son, my boy,
This world was not made for you.
Your path will not be easy on your journey,
Women won't fall at your feet."

"No kind old men offering money are there,
Nor are the streets paved with gold.
You will have to work hard to achieve a life,
Fortune favours not the meek."

"Expand your brain, go and learn, my son, my boy.
Schooling will sharpen your mind.
The ignorant struggle in the gutter, see,
The wise walk proudly above."

"Yes, I know you think I'm old and foolish,
I was young once too, you know!
But these words of mine are tested and true
So listen and you'll prosper!"

"I spent thousands on you, over the years,
And what thanks do I get?
You belong to me, as a reward
For all the hours I've put in."

"I'll dress you up in robes of finest silk,
I'll crown your head with roses.
I'll take you out and show you off
In the best society."

"For you are my most precious darling,
The most loved gem of the set.
Since your mother died I've been lonely,
You're all that's left to me, my son."

"So spread your luscious legs wide, my daughter.
Open the tiny for Pa.
Eat your fill of this most excellent meat,
Show me you care like you say."

"Submit yourself to the wishes of your father."

Though I may travel many miles in my head seeking escape from the torment that lies before me, in reality I am trapped in the pits of deepest despond with a million demons in a single form causing me pain in ways too many to be counted, to be numbered by any of the ways available to the wise. I have prayed a million times to be set free, released from my dungeon, but the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob will not hear me, perhaps I have angered Him in a past existence and am now blessed to go through my punishment in this world so that I may be free to be seated at the highest table in the Eternal Banquet on the right hand side of the Lord, God Almighty Himself. Prophets shall serve my food, Kings shall fill my goblet and Sages will wipe my mouth in the Paradise that awaits every man, woman and child in the world beyond the veil...

"Tell me, do you still give good head with your lips sewn shut?
Dance little sister, dance!
When I burn your eyelid with matches, do you see my love?
Dance, little brother, dance!
If I were to slit your nostrils up the side to reveal your legs,
Would you love me more?
If I removed your left ear to show off your arms,
Would you love me more?"

"No-one loves you like I do, no-one could."

"Do you love me, you freak? Do you?"

"Say it louder, I can't hear you!"

"Say it!"


SAY IT


Say it


sayitdamnitsayit


pleasesayitformeyouknowiloveyoutellmeyoulovemetellme


ididitallforyouandiwoulddoitallagainwithoutyouhavingtoaskyouknowthat


sayit



sayit





sayit

I'll post mine too before this computer explodes or combusts. Mine isn't a poem, it's the lyrics of a death/gring song that has been haunting me this week. It might look cheesy because I used the general topic and words. I'm not satisfied, I could have done a very better and artsy fartsy one if I had more time.

Drum roll


SHADOWS COMMAND

A darkness so thick I can almost touch it
A night so cold no one can be out
I keep looking, watching and waiting
Just one more time, then I swear I'll quit

I lurk in the park, no one is there
Suddenly her essence is in the air
My senses sharp as I walk by
Paralyzed by the beauty of her hair

"Excuse me lady, I don't mean to disturb
But what does such a beautiful girl
Do so late in this lifeless night ?"
She's crying, I almost feel sorry for her

She starts speaking, I don't even hear it
Looking for the rusty scissor in my pocket
Can't find it, guess I left it at home
Lucky girl, maybe I won't do it

But my vision is blurring, my air is getting thin
Can't stop the sick voices from within
Feeling alive with the smell of her fear
I take a stone and bash her face in

She falls back, I feel excited
By bare hands her flesh I parted
The light in her eyes slowly dying
A ghastly work of art I created

My human side is fading away
Is it my fault I am this way ?
I chose nothing, I am god's offspring
My shadows command and I obey

Zad, now that we have proved that we're both fucking psychopaths, I have to admit you're a bigger psycho than me. I think you'll win.

You guys are fucked up, great stuff. This contest is getting very interesting!

Anyway

My vote goes to: teh zadz0rz

.:crast:.

Hmm, I think Kathaarian for me... a bit more dark atmosphere. Enjoyed reading both though

a vote for Kathaarian. Zad's poem ruled before the italicized section but Kathaarian's last couplet is absolutely perfect.

I so nearly left that out, but it broke it up nicely, so I left it in. I think only the Meads Of Asphodel could pull it off as an actual song, though. Yours is good, Dogan, so far 2-1 to you...

A vote for Zad. Altough he poem/lyrics should end at

"So spread your luscious legs wide, my daughter.
Open the tiny for Pa.
Eat your fill of this most excellent meat,
Show me you care like you say."

And then, the sayitdamnitsayit part.

Yes. Too late now, imagine a keyboard solo in that middle bit if you want.

Better a guitar solo... a very insane one

For future reference, if this ever occurs again, just do like Zad and Kathaarian, and post the thread... It's a safe bet that if I don't show, something went wrong.

These four lines were really good. I actually saw into his mind for a second. Then you faltered. Under many circumstances, the "rape/slaughter in the park" thing is alright by me, (humour, irony, different perspective) but yours lacked something for me... Sorry.


Zad,

ZadZadZad...

I really liked your poem. Please win.

Vote: Zad

Ow and I forgot that Kathy's poem seemed very personal as well, it's like I'm sitting in an abandoned and rotten mental instidution interviewing a remaining patient. I actually feel sorry for him. First couplet and the last one are absolutely fabulous!

I'll echo this as well.. Besides, I think that Kathaarians poem had quite a bit of atmosphere beneath the violence..

Kathaarian it is..

Zad.

Say it!

Tough one. They both have their strong and weak points. In the end, my vote goes to Zad.

My vote: Kathaarian

I really, really like these four lines, and the opening 4. Zad, your's was good-but just not my thing. It's probably because I go for much darker stuff. (OK, I'm crude and I like horror)

I vote Dogan.

yup Kaathrarian for me as well..zad's was very good but the italics and stuff after the italics screwed it up :?