Metal Reviews

So I just spent 10 minutes walking this woman through the process of deleting a report. In order to get into the area where you can do this you have to type in "SUPER" and hit enter, then it asks for a password.

So, I tell her to type in "super" and hit enter. She says it didn't work. I tell her to try again, she says it's telling her it's incorrect. So I say you're typing s-u-p-e-r, right? She says yes. Lame. So after 10 minutes I decide to dial-in and I asked her to type in "super" again so I can see the error and this fucking douchebag types: INSUPER!!! :shock:

She was typing "insuper" because I said "Type in 'super'." Some people deserve to die.

Say goodnight, Gracie.

AHAHA that sucks dude. I spent about three months doing in-bound telemarketing and experienced similair insaneness. I remember one night we were selling Tom Jones Greatest Hits and people were calling in to buy it from a 800 number. This lady calls in at about 3 AM and goes into this unbelievable rant about how much she loves Tom Jones. All of our calls were timed and I sat there and listened to her for no less than an hour. Just her raving like a lunatic about Tom Jones for an hour straight. At one point I sat the phone down, went to the bathroom (which was all the way across the building) came back, picked it up, AND SHE WAS STILL FUCKING TALKING LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED WTF. So yea I feel your pain. This is Tom Jones, by the way, for those of you fortunate enough to not know.

Who doesn't know who Tom Jones is? I have a ton of stories from this job, people arguing with me saying they don't have computers in the store, 20 minutes later they call me an idiot, then tell me they have "towers!" :shock: Hahaha. One guy kept telling me they didn't have a black computer (every store does) so I had to dial into their computer, access their video security system to see where everything was, the computer was on its side, the monitor was sitting on it. I go, "You see the monitor? What's underneath it?" and the asshole goes, "The CD player!" :shock: What a piece of crap!

I've had one guy tell me he was a Senior Systems Analyst for his day job, working in a convenient store/gas station was just for extra money. Then when the WINDOWS boot-up screen was on the screen he goes, "So what operating system does this run on? UNIX?" Hahahahahahaha!

Another guy told me he's been working on "matrixes" for 20 years. Haha. One kid was like, "Don't worry, I understand what you're saying, I have like four Computer Science certificates." Hahaha. It's a fucking degree, not a certificate and you don't have four of them! Goddammit!

It's comedy everyday. I really want to record some of these calls and post them online!

God...no shortage of computer experts in the world. I've got one for you.

I get a call for an American Express application. This guy tells me he is being held prisoner by the University of Southern California in some hotel in San Francisco. I can't remember how the hell this got started (this was a few years ago) but he ends up telling me that he is gay, and addicted to meth, and he was wondering, since he recieved a credit card offer in the mail, if American Express was now welcoming him back into the world.

LMAO that reminds me of a list I saw on another site a while back that had some real calls from customers to tech support reps let me see if I can find it.

Ok here are some that I found

A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."

Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?" Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"

Overheard in a computer shop: Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please." Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."

Get a Great Deal from Dell Home Systems!
I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.

Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"

I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that go something like this: Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"

Some people pay for their on-line services with checks made payable to "The Internet."

Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."

Tech Support: "Ok Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at thesame time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble- shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.

Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '24X' on it."

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off.

Hahahaha.


Exactly. I worked in the network control center for 8 years in the Air Force and I had to deal with a lot of dumb people, but in general most people had basic knowledge of how computers work. But when I got out and had to start dealing with the real world all those e-mails of supposed helpdesk calls all seemed real! They were always funny, but I never imagined people to be that dumb! But they are. I mean, people will call up and yell at me and tell me MY computer software sucks because their pumps went down again. Then you find out that they shut off the computer because no one was using it, but the computer runs the fucking pumps! But it's my fault, right? Hahaha.

Now I know there are people out there staring at their keyboards for hours looking for the ANY key. Hahaha.

This should be stickied so Eyesore, Arthur, and The Silent Man can post their job stories. I honestly love reading them.

Haha I'm glad you like them, those were some strange and bizzare times. I had the graveyard shift where you are taking all those calls of people up at 4 in the morning watching infomercials. Not only do you deal with sad and perverted people, but the other people working next to you aren't much better. I had that job my senior year in high school, and I was living on my own with my friend and my fiance. So I went to work at about 9 PM, got off at 6 AM, and then went to highschool. By the end of the year I was a fucking train wreck because to cope with the schedule I was doing every sort of drug I could get my hands on. I missed about 90 days of school that year which was an all time record. After being on the phone for 8 hours straight with the most miserable people in America, no school can phase you.

I called my friend to refresh my memory and there were a few other interesting conversations, although the insane Tom Jones fan, and the gay meth head from San Francisco were by far the most severe. I forgot to mention about that guy...he called the number on a credit card application thinking American Express was offering him some sort of job. He also told me that some university in California was experimenting on gay homeless people....he said all sorts of crazy shit, hopped up on god knows what, but that's what I remember.

There was also a time when we were selling "Now That's What I Call Music!" volume whatever. That's where MTV compiles all the hip hop, 3 Doors Down, Nickleback, and Incubus that came out that year and sells it on one nifty CD. You wouldn't believe how many people called in just to tell me I was a nigger.

Another good one was this time we were doing infomercials for the Tri Tek Shaver, which was just some sort of fancy electric razor. I decided it would be cool to refer to the device as the Tri Tek BALL Shaver for the entire durration of the call. THe calls were all scripted so in any given call the damn thing would be refered to like 20 some times. Each time I would say, "thank you for your interest in the Tri Tek BALL Shaver!" I sold just about every call I got.

Oh the memories.....

This is a real conversation I just had not 10 minutes ago! WTF? I love how at the end the bitch acts like she'd been doing the right thing the whole time! Man, if I could record these calls...

Ken: "Helpdesk, this is Ken."

Woman: "Hello."

Ken: "Hi."

Woman: "I'm holding for Shirley."

Ken: "Huh?"

Woman: "Shirley. I'm holding for Shirley."

Ken: "Uh...there is no Shirley here."

Woman: "Huh?"

Ken: "I don't understand."

Woman: "I'm holding for Shirley."

Ken: "OK. Is this a joke?"

Woman: "What?"

Ken: "There's no Shirley here. How are you holding for her when you called us?"

Woman: "Oh...no...Shirley is here."

Ken: "Shirley is there...at the store?"

Woman: "Yes."

Ken: "So...the...is there a problem? What are you holding...or...calling for?"

Woman: "She's having a problem."

Ken: "OK. What kind of a problem?"

Woman: "I don't know, she knows, hold on."

(a minute or so passes...)

Ken: "Hello?"

Woman: "Hello."

Ken: "Did you find out what the problem was?"

Woman: "Not yet."

Ken: "You think you could? You said you were going to a minute ago."

Woman: "Right, but she's trying to get it to work."

Ken: "What?"

Woman: "I don't know, some program."

Ken: "Can I talk to her."

Woman: "Shirley, he wants to talk to you"

Shirley (in the background): "Tell him Storepoint won't open. I keep clicking on it and it won't open."

Woman: "Storepoint won't open. She keeps clicki—"

Ken: "I heard. Hold on."

(dialing in...)

Woman: "Hello?"

Ken: "Hold on."

Woman: "OK."

(woman then proceeds to sing the "La la lalalala" Smurf theme...I kid you not...I'm now dialed in...)

Ken: "OK, let me see what you mean."

Woman: "Show him what you're trying to do."

(Shirley clicks Shift Export..."

Shirley (in the background): "See? It doesn't open!"

Woman: "It doesn't open."

Ken: "OK. You have three buttons there. Why would you click Shift Export to get into Storepoint when there is a Storepoint button right above it?"

Woman: "I don't know. He wants to know why you didn't click the Storepoint button?"

(Shirley clicks the Storepoint button...)

Shirley (in the background): "Finally! OK, it works now!"

Ken: "Bye"

(Click!...)

Ken: "Fucking idiots!"

Hahahahaha! That's top notch stupidity.

it's amazing these people manage do breathe (though i bet they use their mouths ), let alone use a fucking phone.

Hahaha. I'm amazed at some people. The whole conversation was like some weird joke. Haha.

I love job stories.

Did you rebuild this out of the other job thread??

A woman just asked me (not 10 minutes ago) where the car dealership I had booked her into was. So, I give her the address, including the name of the town because she's a complete spanner.

Then this happened:
"So where is that?"
"...erm...it's in Basingstoke town centre"
"and where?"
(I JUST GAVE YOU THE FUCKING ADDRESS! I EVEN THREW IN THE POSTAL CODE!!)
"..."
"So you don't know where it is?"

:o

this is better than seinfield!! keep it up!

I changed the subject title.

, you got the best job stories ever Ken