Metal Reviews

This is the best lol. More! More!

This isn't actually my job, since I do this for free, but I'm on the board of Mount Holyoke's radio station, and I'm doing my office hours right now. I just had the following conversation:

*phone rings*
Me: WMHC, Kayla speaking.
Some dude: Hi, I'm from the band *can't be bothered to remember their name.* I wanted to ask about submitting our music. Who do we send it to?
Me: What kind of music is it?
Dude: Alternative.
Me: *inward sigh* Does that mean rock music?
(80% of what we're sent is categorized as "Rock." In case you were curious, our other categories are Loud, RPM, World/Folk, Urban and Jazz/Blues/Gospel.)
Dude: Yes.
Me: Ok, send it to *our rock director, our address, blah blah, you could have looked this up on our website, you tool*
Dude: Ok, you guys are located at Blanchard Student, South Hadley, MA, 01075.
("Blanchard Student Center" is our student center, obviously. Sending it to Blanchard would do everyone very little good. I've no idea where he got this address from, either.)
Me: No, our address is WMHC, Mount Holyoke College, South Hadley, MA 01075.
Dude: Ok, 0-1-0-7-5.
Me: Yes.
Dude: Ok, Blanchard Student, South Had--
Me: No, don't send it to Blanchard. Send it to *repeats address again*
Dude: Ok. W-M-H-C.
Me: Yes. Mount Holyoke College.
Dude: Mouuuunt...Hoooolyoooke....ok.
(Apparently, being in an alternative rock band rots your brain.)
Me: South Hadley, MA 01075.
Dude: Ok. Thank you.
Me: Bye.

Hahahaha. And you know this guy has no idea where to send it. Hahaha.

By the way, early today I spoke with "a tool." He was an Indian from a store and called up and said "Hello. This is "a tool" from 3441." Hahahaha. Apparently his name is "Atule" or something! Hahaha.

this is awesome

my family are nagging me to get a job, but i doubt i'll interact with tools much if i do. it'll likely be in the family business... boring.

Hahahahahahahaha!!!

Hmm... I don't have anything as funny as anything posted above but I'll see what I can do.

I work at a tiny little Dunkin' Donuts inside of a Shop Rite. I'm gonna quit pretty soon because I don't like it. These are a few examples of why.

- Last Saturday (the day before Easter), a guy gets a coffee, whatever. As he's leaving I say "Happy Easter," and he goes "Happy Resurrection Day... You know, He died because He loves you." Great. Dunkin' Donuts, what a great place for a ministry. I actually didn't really mind that much, but it was quite, quite awkward.

- On the same day, a woman gets in line with two kids. The other guy working is busy with some big order, so I took her, and I'm waiting for her to order, when she starts explaining to her son that because of Passover she can't eat bread that day. The kid was being a little bastard, something about religion being a waste of time. She should have just smacked him for being rude to her, but instead she starts explaining the whole story of passover to him. Meanwhile, there's a huge ass line building up behind her that she was apparently oblivious to. Then her order was quite large and while I'm off to the side pouring her coffee, she starts ordering from the other guy working (his name's Manish for future reference) who didn't know I was serving her already, so now the line's building up even more and she's got both of us serving her.

- Once again, same day. A guy got a medium green tea from Manish. A minute later he comes back and bitches to me about how he said he wanted a small. Usually if we fuck up an order we just give it to them but he was being an asshole so I took it back, gave him a small, and gave him his thirty cents difference, and he left. A minute later he comes back again and starts bitching about how I didn't put sugar and lemon in it, and now he's pissed. I started to tell him it might have been a good idea to tell me he wanted it if he was expecting me to do it and also that we have it out for people to do it themselves but I just wanted him gone so I just did it.

- I had a person refuse to pay once because she thought it was too much. She told me I should be ashamed of myself. Because apparently I set the prices.

- I hate when people come up to the register and say "How ya doing?" because I know they could care less. I always say "I'm fine, thanks, how are you?" just to piss them off. Half the time it works.

Ehhhh... there are more but I can't think of any right now. Usually it's just people being stupid. Or holding up the line while talking on their cell phone.

A new tale...

I'm at work right now following up on open calls. There is this piece of equipment at gas stations used in gas deliveries called the Evertite Nipple. It's rubber so they get corroded and stuff from the gas and have to be replaced from time to time. Well, we have an open call for a site that needs a few of them replaced.

I just called the site and a female clerk answered the phone and I—meaning to say "pumps," a generic term—introduce myself and then ask this woman, "Has anyone been out to fix your nipples yet?" :shock:

She was like, "Excuuuse me?" :?

The only thing I get is people yelling at me because one of my coworkers gave them the wrong movie or people trying to get me to find a movie when they only know vaguely what its about, nothing about the name and they dont know the actors in it. Just because I work at a video store doesnt mean I'm some sort of bible of movie knowledge.

EDIT: Oh yeah, and some annoying fat bitch who got mad because she got a phone call about a movie she had out for like 2 weeks, and then tried to steal some 1$ used books when there wasn't even anyone else in the store.

Here's a conversation I just had...

Manager: Hello? Cumberland Farms.
Me: Hi, this is Ken from the helpdesk.
Manager: Yes, sir.
Me: Someone called about a report problem?
Manager: Yes, sir.
Me: Is the manager in?
Manager: Yes, sir.

*long pause*

Me: Hello?
Manager: Yes, sir.
Me: Is the manager in?
Manager: Yes, sir.
Me: Can I speak to him?
Manager: Yes, sir.

*longer pause*

Me: Hello?
Manager: Hello.
Me: Are you the manager?
Manager: Yes, sir.

*mute*

Me: What the fuck?!?!

Today's a good day for work stories!

Usually, after about 6pm here at work there is only myself and my co-worker working the helpdesk. There's no one else here except the two cleaning ladies. I just walked into the bathroom and startled someone. He wasn't doing anything creepy, he just didn't expect anyone to walk in. He's from the front office area, some bigwig, probably makes $200K a year. I've seen him around a few times, but never said a word to him. Anyway, he goes, "Oh, I didn't expect to see anybody in here this late" to which I replied this winner: "Me either. You're lucky I have pants on."

Now, considering we were two guys alone in the bathroom, it may not have been the right joke to spring on him. He kind of gave me a wide-eye look of WTF? and walked out. I wonder if I'll be spoken to tomorrow?

Haha, hilariously awkward.

Now for mine: Everytime someone walks into Subway, it makes a beep sound. I was out back doin shit and I didnt hear it go off at all, so I went around to do something out front and just let out this huge belch and there was this like 17 year old punk/gothish girl standing there staring at me, I stared back dumbfounded for like 5 seconds and I said "Didnt hear you come in..."

Ha! I thought it was funny, but I usually always think things are funny. My sense of humor is a bit wonky.

Ouch.

ha ha, now try the same kind of thing except with 1 million dollar equipment and people that do not speak English or really even read English.......

Here is a good one from awhile back.

Teaching a class of Koreans about how to use our software. It gets translated, 30 minute almost violent discussion takes place about what I assume is the software and how to use it. Wait awhile, ask what is wrong or if there is any questions:

Reply: no we were just discussing if your house had a pool in the US and if most houses do...........

Ha ha, that is why they get to train themsevles these days.......

So, all the fat people in my office have decided to do their own little biggest "looser"—that's how everyone was spelling it—contest at $50 a head. My office is full of fat asses. Four of them, I kid you not, have had gastric bypass surgery. They all got this done prior to me starting here and apparently they did lose weight, but they're currently well into the 300lb. range! Idiots.

Unfortunately, I just fucked one chick's day all up! Her husband works in the office, too. Everyone was sending in replies using the Reply All button. She sent a reply, but for some reason I assumed it was her husband, who's is always bustin' jokes like what I said. So, anyway, I replied. It went as follows.

Her e-mail: If we get 650.00.. how about doing a 1st, 2nd, 3rd place - 500.00 for first 100.00 for 2nd and 50.00 for 3rd??? Maybe give us more of an incentive????

My response: Go to hell, balloon tits! And take your pet chins with you! You're gonna "loose" so quit screwing it up for the winner!

Her reply: Excuse me? Are you f'ing kidding me!! you sure have a way with words. Thanks!



I apologized like 20 times, but you could tell she was devastated. I wonder if I'll be spoken to by my boss?

HAHA. Man, that's funny...

Sucks to be Ken.

Cool !

This happened to me a few months ago:

CST is for customer. This guy is supposed to be the IT expert for this customer, he is responsible for the maintenance of their servers.

CST : Hello?
ME : Can I help you?
CST: Yeah ... the site isn't working, there's no map and the list that shows our vehicles is not appearing.
ME: OK, let me log in and see it for myself.

(I log in and really there's no list, and the map isn't loading. So I try to log in to their mysql database, and receive the message "connection failed".)

ME : Sir ... your mysql database is out.

CST: What?

ME: Your mysql database is out.

CST: What do you mean?

ME : Our webserver can't connect to your database server. Something's wrong with your mysql server.

CST: But I'm logged in to the server right now, it's up.

ME: Is it in front of you?

CST: No, all our servers are located in the Data Center.

ME: Ok. Try restarting the mysql service.

CST: What?

ME: The mysql service, try restarting it.

CST: Look, the map isn't showing, there's obviously something wrong with your side of the system.

ME: Sir, the map window is not loading because there's nothing to show, our server can't get the list of vehicles to show. It needs to connect with your database, in order to know WHAT to show.

CST: I don't understand.

ME: There are two servers. Ours ... and yours. Our server is the webserver, and it contains the map platform. But all the vehicle positions, their descriptions, who they belong to ... that's all in YOUR database. And our server needs to connect to your server.

CST: Oh, I think somebody changed the IP addresses over here, let me check.

( ... I wait 5 minutes )

CST: Yeah ... somebody over here changed the IPs.

ME: Great. Tell me what the new IP is and I'll change it over here.

CST: Its xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx

ME: Ok. I'll try to connect from my computer.

CST: Ok.

ME: Not working.

CST: I dont understand, I gave you the right IP, it's in front of me, right now.

ME: Are you logged on to the server?

CST: Yes.

ME: Type "ifconfig".

CST: Where?

ME: In your terminal.

CST: What terminal?

ME: hmm ... where are you seeing the server's IP address?

CST: I went into control panel, network, tcp/ip properties ...

ME: No no no, that's the IP address of YOUR computer.

CST: So?

ME: I need the IP address of your database server.

CST: How can I get that, then?

ME: Well, if you are logged into it, your SSH client program surely knows the IP. Tell me what it is.

CST: Oh ... wait.

( I wait for another 5 minutes )

CST: Yeah ... the server's IP didn't change.

ME: Fine, just log into it and restart the mysql service.

CST: Ooooh, now I get it.

ME: Can you log into the server from your desktop?

CST: I'm logged into it.

ME: Fine. Restart the mysql service.

CST: OK.

( I then hear the Windows XP "logging out" theme over the phone )

ME: What did you just do?

CST: Restarted.

ME: Restarted what?

CST: I clicked "Start", then "Turn Off", then "Restart".

ME (containing my laughs) : You restarted YOUR computer !!

CST: What?

...
...

A few days after that, a problem on their server's network card was found.

That's hilarious dude :D