Metal Reviews

the bus, underground, train, taxi, plane.. you get the point. everyone who rides these regularly probably has a few good stories, so please share them here

the subway is always full of odd people. there are the beggars - many of them blind. there is this one blind guy who rather than just asking for money, raps for it*, and if he doesn't get any he starts swearing and shit. also there are this gypsy kids, one of them holds a little puppy and the other one plays some air-organ instrument thingy, the acordeon i think it's called. we also have the "romanian harmonica crew", 2 or 3 romanian guys with a discman and a speaker and harmonicas, who play along to some seriously cheesy music. another one, my favourite, had a board with strings stretched on it, and played it like a guitar.

and once i saw a guy with the sunglasses and cane (or is it cain?), except that he walked normally and wore a watch and shit.

also there are stories about a black guy in a Sporting Lisbon cap and scarf screaming that he's the King of Africa.

*picture of the blind rapper:

Two of my friends have been given a summons to court because they witnessed some degenerate scumfuck was giving racist abuse to an eastern guy sitting at the front of the bus they were on. A girl that was sitting with them (friends with one of their sisters) went to the driver and complained and he drove the bus straight to the police station! Why the dumb bastards didn't jump out the emergency door at traffic lights is beyond me.

One other time I got hit in the eye with shard of flying glass (somehow I closed my eye at the exact right moment and the flat od the glass hit against the lid) when a fight broke out over absolutely nothing on a late night bus journey. At the bus stop, some drunken bastard obviously looking for a fight started giving me shit, and while he was doing so managed to miss his bus (he blamed this on me and would've attacked me for it if his friend hadn't distracted him somehow). So we went into a chip shop, grabbed some food and walked along to the next bus stop to wait for our bus. Once we were on, my genius friend came up with the brilliant idea that we sit at the back of the bus (doing so in Glasgow on saturday night is just asking for hurt), and the same bastard was sitting there - fortunately for me, he was enaged in a very animated conversation with an older guy that more or less went:

"Random drunken pish"
"Random drunken pish"
"Random drunken pish"
"Random drunken pish"
"Shake ma hawn" (shake my hand)
"Naw" (No)
"Shake ma hawn"
"Naw"
"Whitje mean ye'll no shake ma hawn - ye hink yur better'n me?" (What do you mean you won't shake me hand - do you think you are better than me?)
Punchy punchy
Smashy smashy

Bus skids to a halt, the bastard and his friend jump out the fire exit leaving the other guy pissing blood everywhere.

Sometime ago I was on a buss getting home. At sometime during that ride, the bus started to make noises and the back of the car started to shake some. A short time after that there all of a sudden the car's back colapses and when I look out of the window, one of the rear wheels is jumping along the buss, many meters heigh.... Luckily this happened while in slow speed and not when the buss was going over 80 km/h.

That was quite fun actually, when I got out the buss I bursted to laughter.

Me and my friend decided to experiment by finding out how much we could make on one metro car by singing and dancing. Best $1.50 I ever earned

I think i know what i am going to do during this weekend!!

selling your body on the streets for 1.5€?

Only to you my dear, to others it will cost much more!

On the motro to Cannibal Corpse some black gangland type dude started getting really animated (violently, haha) with this guy, they got off in some rough part of Manchester to duke it out, a gang of similair looking guys run out of nowhere and help this guy beat the shit out of the (white stranger. If only I could lipsync...

*dreams*

"You jiiive turkey, I'm a gonna bust yo ass"

Years ago I was sitting on a bus when a lady backed out in a car suddenly onto the street causing the bus to rapidly hit the skids. This old man who was standing up at the back went shooting like a cannonball straight down the middle of the bus and smacked into the windscreen. It made a real meaty *crump* sound.

Another time I was on a bus with the local "Singing Bus Driver" who was some wanker who got his 15 minutes of fame by singing really shitty show tunes while he drove the bus. Anyway this time it was pension day and all the bus was full of grannies. As we sped along the driver was too busy singing and not concentrating on the road, narrowly avoiding a smash. Yet as he did so his song abruptly went like this "The Phaaaaantom of the operaaa is.....FUCK!". Funnily enough I never heard of the Singing Bus Driver again.

Similar to Wanky's first story, about 2 years ago I saw some degenerate ned run out in front of a bus causing the driver to emergency stop and some poor old dear to go flying forward and smack herself on the ground. I hope she didn't hit her head, but she looked pretty comatose from where I was standing. The worst part was watching the fucker that caused it all walking away shouting abuse at the bus driver for almost hitting him.

Speaking of which, I've renounced the internal combustion engine. Taking into consideration the rising fuel costs and the thousands of dollars it will take to get my fucked up car working, insured, and registered again I have placed it into dry-dock until further notice. Today I dusted (scrubbed) off my old mountain bike and took it for a spin. I forgot how fun it could be. Made me feel like a big kid. That is my transport to and from work now, while uni means busses and trains. I feel giddy thinking of all the money I'm going to save.

It was a week ago. I was on the train going over to one my buddies’ house that this native guy got on the train. He was most likely high on crack or something very close to that. Anyhow he was swearing, shouting, and basically just bull shitting. So I took off my headphones (Hate Forest - Sorrow) and my sunglasses and started giving a death look to the fucker. He realized I was looking at him and then he suddenly spoke; "what's wrong?" he said. So I kneeled down on my knee and said: "you wanna shut the fuck up"? And it was then that he said: Okay you wanna go for it? And I said, "go for what, man?" It was then that I saw a blade coming out of his filthy bag. The ones that you cut carpet with. I had a little knife with me too, but not everyone has the mentality to use a knife anyhow, especially the native guy. He started telling that he is a terrorist and he kills; about how the world is and you have to kill to survive. He had these mesmorising eyes, eyes that were just ready to attack; he didn't have it in him though. The funny part was, he said "I'm from Iraq" and it was then that I really laughed. After a while he saw that I didn't move from my place and I was still looking at him so he got off the train. But I tell you; I was just waiting for him to make a small move for me to fuckin' kick him in the head. I missed my train station as I was concentrated on the mother fucker, so I had to get off the next stop and ride another train.

Yesterday but this kind of shit happens everyday....

I was on the bus getting home and it was packed as usual with mostly senior citizens. Most of the buses here are old Icarus who are way past their life span and the ride was far from comfortable. Since there is a bridge closed the traffic is redirected and there were traffic jams at every juncture. The drivers here (as probably everywhere) are trying desperately to get out and often resolve to risky maneuvers. As my bus was getting to a one such traffic jam a light-blue moskvich (yeah, we still got those around here) decided to change lanes or some other stupidity I'm not sure exactly. To avoid collision our bus driver hit the brakes with such force that everything that wasn't nailed down on the bus was flying around. And because most people were old they couldn't balance very well so they did some very good acrobatic tricks like a triple flip-flap or whatever's the word.
No serious injuries, but as most old people they were only waiting for a chance to start a racket and all hell break loose on the driver. I got off as soon as possible. Fun stuff.

Last week I was going back home from the pub, it wasn't very late (some 15-10 minutes to midnight) as I have to get up in the morning. Anyway, I catch the bus as always, and not very surprisingly, I'm the only passenger save for about 3-4 African immigrants. One of them is sitting some seats behind me, with his head on his arms on the seat in front of him, apparently fast asleep, certainly drunk as fuck. Luckily, I was sitting far enough from him.
After some stops I hear this splashing noise, I turn around and see a pool of liquind spreading from under the guy's seat. It flows so profusely that my first thought is "Look, this idiot fell asleep with a bottle in his hand and now he's spilled it all over the bus floor". Then I realize that he has nothing in his hands, he's just quietly puking in his sleep. Not so long afterwards, he wakes up, places a cigarette in his mouth and gets off at his stop as if nothing had happened. And the bus driver saw nothing, or if he did, he didn't react at all.

just now i was returning home after a few beers at college and there was this guy sitting:
x _
_ o

(i'm o and he's x), and he's fondling his balls throughout the whole joruney. i mean, he's not even hiding it, just fondling like he was alone.

A couple of years ago, I was on a city trip to Warsaw and I was sitting in the car, driving to the city itself. At one point, we were driving a couple of yards behind a public transportation bus; a big vehicle with 6 wheels (two paits at the back). As we were looking at the thing accelerating to a rather high speed (it's Poland, you knpw, if you drive slow there, you're dead), and suddenly one of the rear tyres comes loose completely :shock: Thank god our car driver had good reflexes, as he had to evade the bloody thing. The bus driver did carry on completely oblivious, however

this last week while visiting in paris, a man hoped on our metro car and started screaming about how we were all sinners and that we were going to the pits of hell if we don't love jesus and do what jesus says... whichis be kind to your brother man and give him money. this wouldnt be weird to much in itself if he had appeared to be a homeless excentric man, he was actualy dressed nicer than i was but he was panhandleing.

and another time on the metro of this same trip a man holding a liquer bottle and smoking a cigaret was panhandling. tthis struck me as the worst strategy for getting people to give you money ever, as many people dont give money to bums thinkng they will spend it on booze

A really drunk/stoned guy on the bus on Friday was sniffing cocaine off the back of his bus pass (spilling most of it all over the seat). He kept offering me some of his powder and talking about how he was a porn trader - apparently if I want to see corpse-fucking, he's my man.

Did you catch his address?