Metal Reviews

lolzords

He actually had a business card, but I chose not to keep it (in fact, I don't even think he wanted to part with it).

Last year I was riding on the train in Tokyo and a really really drunk guy was sitting a few seats down from me. This is nothing unusual in Tokyo, as drunken old-guys ride around all the time. Then he pulled out the gun. I thought for sure I was about to see a kick-ass martial arts bloodbath, but instead everyone on the train (about fifty people or so) glanced over at him, looked at the gun, and immediately went back to playing with their cell-phones. The guy actually put it up to someones head and screamed "Bang" but everyone just ignored him. Eventually he got bored, put away the gun, and went to sleep.

When I was in China, my girlfriend and I were taking a boat to get somewhere and all of a sudden a bunch of small row-boats took off from the shore and started to follow our boat. We were a bit concerned they were pirates or something, but it turns out they were trinket sellers. They would actually row out to catch boats going by, climb up on the sides of the bigger boats, and try to sell you rocks and buddhist trinkets through the windows.

Last but not least: In India I almost bought a box of cobras from a snake charmer on the train, but my girlfriend wouldn't let me. She has no sense of adventure.

When riding the metro I look for the clear spaces so I can sing along to my music and not freak anyone out, because, you all know, singing tends to get everyone's attention.

So I got on the metro one day and saw a completely clear area, and I sat down. As I sit down one of the metro security guards comes over and asks "Are you ok?" I look at him oddly and reply with a simple "Yeah, no problem." So he leaves, and a few minutes later, as I reach for my bag to pull out my CD Player, I see a freshly spilt puddle of blood lying right under my seat. I'm talking large amounts, as if though someone had been stabbed. The blood led to the entrance of the train. I then moved away and continued on my journey home.

There's also this one guy who sings on the train, all the time. He doesn't sing anything normal though, he sings these really high pitched African tribal tunes, and bangs along on the seat to the drum beat. Once these little middle schoolers thought he was really weird so they started their little kid gossip and started to probe this guy with questions. Eventually he took off his big ass headphones, got quiet, stared at the kids for a good 5 seconds, then let out the LOUDEST yelp I've ever heard. Needless to say the little kids went running away and he went on singing.

Did that pool of blood not freak you out just a little?? I would have shat meself

Not really. I was surprised when I saw it, but I didn't scramble to get away. I figured whoever's it was was off the train already, so I had no fear of getting any on me. And, eh, I just considered it red water. When I actually start to think of how it got there is when I start to get disturbed.

I just remembered a time when I was 14 and waiting for a bus with my mom, and this guy in his late twenties wearing a nice suit and huge yellow headphones comes along screaming, "Fuuuuck each other! Screeeewww each other!" at everyone waiting for the bus. It might have been funny, had I not been 14 and with my mom. Then it was rather awkward and uncomfortable.

Yeah, there have been multiple times where I'm on the train with a friend and random people will come up to us and hold the most awkward conversations. Once my friend and I were standing by the door talking about women, and this middle age man approaches us, and then starts telling us stories about his life and how he loves his wife but he cheats on her because he loves women even more. Some damn weird people ride public transportation.

I spent the entire taxi journey from town to home on Saturday night (10 miles, give or take) getting told where to pick up hookers by the driver.

I was like: Ok.

I need to trade places with you. Not only would I love to meet a Porn Dealer who specializes in corpse-fucking and a Taxi driving pimp, but I would also take these upstanding citizens up on their fine offers.