Metal Reviews

That was awesome, keep it coming!!

After making a dummy up in the bed out of some spare sheets he found, Rio made himself as comfortable as he could in the wardrobe. He was awake for much of the night, thinking about Ztef'n. The look on his face when Rio ordered him out of Radagast's room was quite frightening, and he resolved to get them moving as soon as possible. He dosed off just before dawn, and had a strange dream where M'sha was chasing Bastard around a chocolate fountain and whooping. "Breakfast?" he heard a voice say, and turning he saw J'den with a breadknife pointed at him. Awakening, he realised that both J'den and the knife were very real. "Sleep well?" J'den asked, then left without waiting for an answer. Getting up stiffly, Rio saw with a shock a spear sticking out of the bed, where his torso would have rested had he slept there.

In the hall, he found a huge table covered with delicious-looking food, the others around it eating hungrily. Ztef'n was the only one to notice his entrance. "Ah, mon ami! I heope yeu zlept well?" he said, a bright smile lighting up his face. He was dressed in long white robes, and was seated at the head of the table with M'sha and J'den on either side. Radagast and Bastard were sat close to each other, and he took an empty seat next to Radagast, who nodded at him warily, their fight from the previous night clearly fresh in his mind. He smiled back; they would need to stick together if they were to get away with their lives intact. "Ze zkai iz rather cleudy, ah weuld zuggest zat yeu zteay feur another dai or two," Ztef'n said, waving a chicken leg at Rio. He noticed that M'sha and J'den both sat in front of empty plates, watching their 'father' as he ate with gusto. "Yeu kneu, ah euzed to be wan of theuze veeganz, yeu kneu?" Ztef'n mused. "In ze end, ah juzt mizzt meat too much!" He reached for a roast hog, putting the whole thing onto his plate. Biting into it, blood squirted out, splashing M'sha, who didn't react. Rio took a deep breath.

"It's very kind of you, but we really must be getting on. We have a long way to go, and-" "Ohhhh," whined Bastard. "Couldn't we stay a bit longer?" Radagast said nothing. "A day or two won't make much difference," said M'sha, "a day or two longer..." J'den finished. They both stared at Rio, unnervingly. The pig blood dripped down M'sha's face, and dropped from his perfect lips onto his lap. "It does in the long run," persisted Rio, "and we do have a long way to go." "Ah refuze to allow it!" cried Ztef'n. "Who kneuz what terrible thingz await yeu on yeur jeurney? We would be failing az hoztz if we let yeu go!" His eyes glittered, and reaching out a finger, he wiped the blood from M'sha's face, then licked it from his finger. Radagast stood up suddenly. "No, we really must be going," he said firmly. "Come on, Bastard, get packing!" He went out hurriedly, without looking back, and after a final swig of wine, Bastard followed him.

"Yeu'll fail, yeu kneu," said Ztef'n. He stood up, and waved his hand over the table. Everything on it seemed to collapse in on itself, and vanish. "Ah traied to warn yeu," he said, shaking his head. "By sticking a spear in my bed?" Rio said, watching helplessly as M'sha and J'den circled behind him. "Whut are yeu talking abeut?" Ztef'n answered, looking puzzled for a moment. "Yeu will reach ze Tower, but ze Wizard Iyzor will not see yeu, and zen whut will yeu do?" "How do you know about that?" Rio said, backing away as the Wizard advanced. "Ah kneu everything!" he replied, and suddenly his voice changed, became different. "I was flying back from the battles in the Phatdom of Rappia, when I espied a small group of Hellsheimers about to cross the river Generalius!" he said, his voice exactly like the Noble Knight's, when he reported to Iyzor. Rio looked confused. "Zat waz a report given to Iyzor by one of hiz zpiez! Even now, he iz preparing a trap feur yeu! Be wary!" Ztef'n said. He reached out and gently touched his finger to Rio's lips. He tasted the pig's blood for a second, then it was gone. "Ah ceuld make yeu very happy if yeu ztayed here," murmured the Wizard. Rio turned and ran towards the rooms, where the others had gone. M'sha and J'den let him go on an unspoken command from Ztef'n. "Yeu think my firztborn will take care of zem?" he whispered, "or will he deztroy them az he haz destroyed zo many otherz?" They remained silent.

Rio entered Bastard's room to find Radagast helping him pack. "We have to leave, now," said Rio, and he was just about to go to his room, when Radagast spoke softly. "I packed yours," he said, holding out Rio's backpack, "and I destroyed most of my cof'ee last night. There's just a bit left to help as I come off it. I'm going to kick it!" Rio saw the determination in his eyes, and nodded, silently. "Is Machine coming with us?" asked Bastard. Rio paused. He wasn't sure; they needed the Masheen part of him to guide them. Together, they went out, and found Dead Machine where they left him the previous night. "OF COURSE I AM COMING!" the robot boomed suddenly, making them all jump. "How did you know...?" asked Rio. "SENSORS!" replied the machine. It started walking towards the door, and they followed quickly.

Ztef'n and his young men were nowhere to be seen. They all went through the door, then turned, and saw that the hut had vanished. "THIS WAY!" boomed Dead Machine, unconcerned, and they followed his lead.

*

The screams hadn't been too loud, reflected Iyzor, as he watched the last of the children being taken off the stage after the Special Ceremony. The worst had been a noble's boy, who screamed and tried to get away as the pure Black Metal was inserted. His father, the Rad'cal Count, was outraged, foaming at the mouth as he shrieked obscenities at his son. Eventually, the child went through the procedure, and was accepted into The True Religion. The Holy Terr'r beamed throughout the Ceremony, the highlight of his year. Now, he was calling for silence so that the Metal Anthem could be played. Everyone obediently rose to their feet, and after a pause whilst Choirmaster Fr'gid tuned his wongleflatch, they burst into song:

"I hear the sound in a Metal way,
I feel the power rolling in the hills,
Only one thing Truly releases me,
Heavy Metal, as hard as it can be.

I was born to serve the True Gods!
I was created with a screaming passion,
There's a light in the centre of the darkness
And it shall spread to cover the world!

O Myk, forge our hearts anew of Metal
And our blood of hot molten Rock
Then we shall serve the True Gods
With all that They ask us to give."

Iyzor loved to watch the nobles' faces as they enthusiastically belted out the words, shining, happy that a new generation had accepted the Metal and would go on to teach their children the same as they were taught. This was really what kept the kingdom together, despite the fights - the brotherhood, the sense of family that kept things friendly even when surrounded by corpses. He smiled grimly. This relationship of Metal was exactly why the revolutionaries had to be stopped in their tracks, using whatever means were necessary to do so. As the last of them left the Grand Hall, Iyzor returned off the stage the way he had entered it, following the route Terr'r had taken not long ago.

The Wizard had changed to his usual robes, and was climbing the stairs to his Chambers, when he heard a scream. Running, he rounded a corner and saw a robed body on the floor in a pool of blood, with someone running away in the distance. "STOP!" he yelled, "GUARDS!", and he checked the body, but could not tell its identity, as the head was missing. Rising, he gave chase to the murderer, and saw him/her headed towards an open window. "STOP!" he shouted again, but it was useless, the fugitive leapt out... and soared up and away, using some kind of magic to stop from falling the huge distance down to the ground. Clattering footsteps came behind him, and he saw the Guard Noodles running towards him. "The murderer got away," said Iyzor, gesturing at the window. He looked down, breathing hard after the unusual exercise, and saw in the corner the head of the victim. Crouching, he picked it up. "By The Gods!" whispered Noodles, in shock. There was a look of pure fear on the decapitated head's face. Iyzor recognised it, and felt slightly sick. This was impossible. Slowly, he walked back to the body, and crouched over it for a moment, then he rose. "Is it...?" asked Noodles, clearly aghast. "Yes," said Iyzor heavily. "But..." the Guard was clearly struggling for words. A group of Guards rounded the corner at a run, and stopped short when they saw the Wizard holding the head. "Go, check on the Princess," he ordered Noodles, who took off at a run. Iyzor slowly bent down and placed the head on top of the body where it belonged. The Guards gasped as they recognised it, then all fell to their knees out of respect.

Someone had murdered the Bishop Holy Terr'r.

To be continued...

Ha ha ha, this is awesome. What a plot twist at the end of that one!

These tales relieved me of my boredom on this otherwise dull day at work. Good stuff Zad.. Looking forward to the next episode. Especially after the cliffhanger in the last chapter.

#

Bwahahahahaha

+1

"It wasn't enough that you had to drag us out of there, and be rude to the Wizard," grumbled Bastard, "but you had to go without getting provisions! I mean, how stupid can you get?" They were a few hours away from Ztef'n's hut, and had just discovered their complete and utter lack of food. Rio sat on a rock, silently cursing himself for his stupidity. "I'm sorry," he said, not for the first time, "but what would you do if someone tried to stick a spear in you whilst you were asleep? Get out of there, that's what!" "It wasn't Ztef'n!" objected Bastard. "He didn't have a clue what you were on about!" "Then it was one of his... it was M'sha or J'den, then," said Rio. "I don't believe they'd do it unless it was his orders," he continued. Dead Machine spoke up suddenly, "VOICE STRESS ANALYSIS INDICATES THAT SUBJECT WAS TELLING TRUTH. ZTEF'N DID NOT KNOW OF THE SPEAR, RIO." "But that means..." said Rio, turning to stare at them, "it was one of you two that did it!"

"Or you did it yourself!" smirked Bastard. "Why in Myk's name would I do a stupid thing like that?" Rio asked, astounded. He knew that he hadn't stuck the spear in his bed, and if Ztef'n didn't do it...he stared at Bastard and Radagast, trying to think. Both had the strength to do it, but he just could not believe his friends were capable of trying to kill him. And why would they do it? Radagast was being very quiet; he looked at him and saw that he was looking forwards, towards their destination. The Tower was just visible as a bump on the horizon. Radagast turned to face him. "There's a simple enough way of finding out which of us did it," he said, nodding at Dead Machine's bulk.

The robot started to answer, but at that precise moment a rumbling noise came from nearby. Looking around, Rio saw a large group of robots running past them. "QUICK! UNDER ME!" boomed Dead Machine, and he raised himself on his legs, so they could shelter underneath. There was a whirring, and he extended his guns. "Wait!" said Rio, "you can't just kill them!" Dead Machine bleeped for a second, then said, "TARGETS REPRESENT THREAT." "They're not doing anything!" objected Radagast. With what sounded like a sigh, Dead Machine retracted his guns. "And can you speak more quietly?" asked Rio. "My ears hurt." "Sorry about that," said Dead Machine, in a more human-sounding voice. "You didn't say anything before, so I assumed it was ok."

They watched as the robots went by. "What are they doing out here?" asked Bastard. "You mean you've never heard of the wild robots?" replied Dead Machine. "They're migrating north. It happens around this time every year." "How did they get there?" Rio said. "According to legend, years ago a mad Wizard fused man to Metal, and enslaved it. It escaped, killed him, and then bred with wild Metals to form a family. Over time their numbers increased, and now they live together in a kind of herd." One of the wild robots, a rather shapely four-legged one, stopped to wiggle at Dead Machine, and he rose. "I'll be right back," he said, sounding rather embarassed. "I...uh..used to go to school with her," and he stomped over to the wild robot. They disappeared behind a hill.

Rio had turned away before the others did, not forgetting that one of the two of them had tried to kill him the previous night. It couldn't have been Dead Machine, as he just wouldn't have fit inside his room, even if you ignored the fact that he had no arms. He would have to be careful from now on...

*

Iyzor paced, frantically trying to think. The Bishop couldn't have been more than about ten minutes in front of him. Someone must have been waiting. He looked up at a knock, and barked, "come in!" The door opened and Noodles the Guard poked his head inside. "Sire, the Princess is fine. She is still deep in her trance." He was about to depart, but the Wizard waved him inside. Since the Princess was incapable of ruling, and the Bishop was dead, the burden of ruling the Kingdom fell to him. He was incredibly busy already, not half an hour after the murder was discovered. Soon he would be meeting the Queen of H'yubim Issle for a possible treaty between the two countries, and after that a delegation from the Phatdom of Rappia for peace talks. There was rumour that the delegation would even include the Phat Maestro himself, which would be a shock, as he hadn't been seen in public for nearly forty years, such was the weight of the decorative gold jewellery he insisted on wearing around his neck.

"I need someone I can trust, Noodles," he said, "since we don't know who could have done this terrible crime. I am going to reveal a secret to you: the Kingdom will soon be under attack from an ancient Evil." "But who?" gasped Noodles. Surely the old fool hadn't worked it out already? "Winter! He has returned, after a long exile." "Oh!" said Noodles, in shocked relief. That Evil they could deal with, as long as Iyzor was still unaware of the revolution, which was swiftly gathering support. "That reminds me- you're from Hel's Heim originally, aren't you?" Iyzor said. "There's been reports of a madman running amok, many, many have been butchered. I can't understand it. Another thing to deal with." He wiped his brow distractedly. Noodles stood silently, calculating whether he should make his move now. The Wizard turned his back on him to look out of the window, and silently he slipped his dagger from its sheath, moving closer. Suddenly, the door burst open, and he spun around. A Guard was at the door, panting heavily. "Glad to see you're so alert, Guard Noodles," Iyzor commented, "as the wretches may attempt an attack on me as well!" Feeling foolish, he lowered the dagger, and sheathed it. His time would come...

*

"Wheu ceuld zat be?" Ztef'n asked, raising his head from a book. Someone was banging the door, hard. J'den opened it, and stepped aside so his master could see who was there. A figure, dressed in black rags, and dripping blood stepped inside. There was a strange glow coming from it, and the Wizard felt a sharp pain in his head, which increased as it fixed its eyes on him. He gasped with shock, and darkness fell. The last thing he saw was the stranger throwing J'den hard against a wall, and as it turned, the dread tattoo on its chest.

"No!" Ztef'n whispered, as Zad stood over him, and reached down to grasp his neck...

To be continued...

...And unzipped his pants, spraying his love joice everywhere...

Seriously, I enjoy reading this bizzare stuff.

Migrating robots? The fuck?

Ztef'n came to, slowly. He had been unconsious for several hours at least, and the first thing he noticed was the pain, such pain as he had never felt before. After trying and failing to sit up, he reached up to touch his head, and discovered he couldn't. His arms were missing.

His mind shut in on itself, to keep the horror out, and for a while he was back in the blessed darkness. He didn't even want to consider what Zad had done with M'sha and J'den, if this was the level of punishment he himself had recieved, with all his considerable powers.

He knew that he couldn't stay there forever. Even now, they might be bleeding to death, and all because he was too much of a coward to face the pain. Gritting his teeth, he reached out, and bought himself back into reality.

The pain was bearable, suprisingly. He tried to turn his head, to see what was left of him, but it triggered something, and he howled in torment. Using his legs to roll himself over, he lifted his head groggily to try and get an idea of his surroundings. About four feet away lay a body.

Slowly, resting on his chin, he slid his weight backwards onto his legs, and rose until he was kneeling. Whispering a healing spell got rid of some of the pain, but he knew that it wouldn'e be enough to bring his arms back. He would have to use much more power for that, power that he had no right using if it was possible that they were still alive. He walked on his knees over to the body, ignoring the blood that was caked on the floor, and nudged it, carefully.

In death, M'sha was even more beautiful, if that was possible. He had been beaten until little skin remained on his body, but the face was mostly untouched, apart from a bite mark in his cheek. It was almost as if the killer had not wanted to destroy such a fine creation. His face was peaceful, and Ztef'n knew that he would have fought hard to defend himself, but if his powers had no effect over such a creature, what chance did his apprentice have? Using his magic, he shut M'sha's eyes tenderly, then turned. A trail of gore led out through the open door, and he knew that there he would find J'den, or what was left of him. The sorrow into him turned into hatred. Zad should have killed him when he had the choice. He wouldn't show him such mercy...

*

They had been waiting for over an hour, and still there was no sign of Dead Machine. "How long do robots take, anyway?" asked Radagast, waggling his eyebrows at Rio. He didn't answer. The last of the robots had ran by about twenty minutes ago, and there had been no sign of either Dead Machine or his friend. "Maybe we should go and have a butcher's" said Bastard, looking bored. Something had happened to him in Ztef'n's hut, and Rio wasn't sure that he liked the outcome. "Give him ten more minutes, then we'll see," he decided. Even if he was sitting with someone that wanted to kill him, he was still in command, still the leader. He watched them suspiciously out of the corner of his eye, suspecting Bastard more than Radagast.

Radagast watched his friend, and felt the Urge. He had been fighting it since that conversation in Ztef'n's hut, and so far was winning, although he knew the hardest part lay ahead. Bastard made a sound next to him, and he turned. He was watching Rio, brow furrowed, chewing on a finger. Radagast looked at the three of them, so suspicious, and he laughed suddenly, making the others jump. "Come on!" he said, "let's go and check on Machine."

There was no-one behind the hill. No trace of Dead Machine or his friend. Tracks were all over the ground, and Rio followed what he assumed were their companion's until they vanished in the chaos of the migration's trail. "They must have joined the migration when we weren't looking," said Bastard, voicing their fears. "She must have been special, to make him give everything up like that," Rio said, looking at the horizon over which the robots had vanished. "Can't we just follow the trail? It is going the same way as we are, after all," Radgast asked. "I don't see any other way out of this predicament," replied Rio. They gathered their packs, and set off.

*

"My dear Queen Vikie! It's been far too long!" Iyzor cried, waving his hands in the air. She was dressed in the usual finery, complete with a large ceremonial locket around her neck bearing some soil from H'yubim Issle, the sign of upper-class parentage in that noble land. Eyes like saucers, she curtseyed in return. "High Wizard Iyzor!!! I was under the impression that I was to be greeted personally by Princess Carnif'x herself!!! But it doesn't really matter, because I had such a wonderful journey on the way, despite those horrid clouds that seemed to follow us. They stayed at bay, however, and I was kept amused by my little lapdog here, say hello, Trooper!!! Yes, aren't you a cutie, yes yes yes!!! And we must talk about absolutely everything that you've been up to recently, dear Iyzor, I've missed you so!!!" "Unfortuanately, the Princess is indisposed," said Iyzor, managing to get a word in. He had forgotten how much she talked, but it was strangely hypnotic to watch her. This damn treaty would have to be signed as quickly as possible without upsetting her, the talks with the Phats would be far more important. He rubbed his hands with glee at the thought of the gold Latt'm Land would get its hands on, as they had no choice but to ask for peace.

Waving a hand at the Guard Noodles, who recently he had promoted to his personal bodyguard, he led the Queen into the Main Meeting Hall.

*

Darkness fell quickly, and they made their camp for the night by a large Rock. "So, what type of Rock is this?" asked Radagast, poking it. "I think that's your basic Hard Rock, with a bit of Stone in there," said Bastard. His father was a Rocker, and he had picked a fair bit of knowledge up from him. "I'll take first watch," said Rio. Radagast looked at him, and looked as if he was about to say something, when Bastard interrupted. "Fine by me!" he said, burrowing into his sleeping bag. Rio looked at Radagast, waiting for him to say whatever it was he was going to say, but he shook his head, and lay down. We should be approaching the Rockies soon, thought Rio. Bastard would be useful then, assuming he hadn't succeeded in killing him by then. He turned to look at Radagast, asleep already, and doubt clouded his heart. Maybe he'd never know which of them it was. Maybe one of them was even now plotting, waiting until the other two fell asleep and would then kill them. He knew that he wouldn't be able to stay awake for long, after the hard day's marching, and he had no way to keep himself alert...

But there was nothing he could do, but wait for the dawn and see how fate would turn.

To be continued...

Wooh, I like reading this! Good job.

Hmmm...haven't read it yet, but damn you, Zad, damn you to hell!

That's pre-emptive.

I predict a brutal and torturous death for the wizard. :roll:

By the way, the best part is clearly this:


Hahahaha! Hilarious. Two lines.

By the way, it's quite funny that you've posted this. If in 2007 you're still around you'll see why.

What the hell does that mean?

Wow.... this thread r0x0rz

Opening his eyes, Rio was delighted to see that his throat had not been slit during the night. He looked up; the sun was shining, the birds were singing, it was a beautiful day. Leaning on his hands, he sat up, and then rose to stand, but fell in a heap. Looking down, puzzled, he realised why.

His feet were missing.

“Rio, Rio! Wake up!” came a voice, and opening his eyes, he saw Bastard leaning over him, looking concerned. “You were screaming,” he said apologetically. “Sorry, just a dream,” Rio gasped. Looking down, he saw with relief that his feet were still there. “Here,” said Radagast, handing him some berries. “I went looking for food, this was the best I could find.” Rio took them numbly, and popped them into his mouth. They were bitter, but better than nothing.

There was little to gather. Following the trail left by the robots was easy; it was clearly visible going off into the distant horizon for miles. A few hours later, the effects of the heat were beginning to make themselves known. Rio’s mouth had dried out completely, and he was swallowing compulsively. From his left, he heard Radagast singing:

"Obscured by the sun,
Apocalyptic clash.
Cities fall in ruin,
Why must we die?

Obliteration of mankind,
Under a pale grey sky
We shall arise..."

“What’s that?” he asked croakily. “An old song of rebellion Machine taught me just before we reached Ztef’n’s hut,” Radagast answered. He seemed to be in much better shape than Rio, and as he watched, vision blurred, he seemed to grow high in the sky. From far away came a voice: “He’s collapsed.” He felt hands lifting him, and everything went dark.

*

Having finally persuaded Queen Vikie to go on a tour of the Tower with his bodyguard Noodles, Iyzor quickly grabbed some cutlets to eat whilst he was waiting for the Rappia delegation. There was little preparation needed, unless they threw themselves on his mercy from the outset he would have their Phatdom burnt to the ground and ploughed with salt. A knock at the door came, and he hurriedly wiped his mouth as the page announced, “The Phat Maestro DJ Siran, and His Most Dangerous Crew”. They filed in, four of them carrying a litter, on which the Phat Maestro sat. He was a truly repulsive creature, enormous slabs of fat hanging down from the sides of the litter. His attendants placed him on the floor, and with some grunting he arose upon his hind tentacles. Iyzor mentally prepared a defensive spell, just in case. “Sssssso, Iyyzzzzzoorrrr,” it rasped. “Haaaaaave yyyyooooouuu ssssssssssssssigned the ssssssssurrender paaapersssssss?” then it started to laugh, a horrible gurgling noise. Iyzor sighed mentally as he realised that this might be harder than he’d realised.

To be continued…

Over the top, under the bottom, along the sides and everything else. Excellent stuff.

'Bout time I clicked on this thread. What hole did you pull this out of? Good stuff man.

This is great, and i love the (unintential?) gay undertones between Bastard, Rio and Radagast. Come on, first we had that Radagast quote I posted and now Bastard waking up and comforting Rio after a nightmare. :!: