Metal Reviews

The Liger:

Offspring of a male lion and a female tiger, but bigger than both, ligers are in fact the largest cats in the world. They can weigh more than half a ton and stand over 10 feet tall on their hind legs.



Imagine that bastard charging at you across open ground?

Wow! That one seems pretty docile, fortunately.

I'd fuck a Liger.

Good to know.

I wouldn't fuck WITH a wolverine:



As small as it is, it would tear you to shreds without breaking a sweat.

Unfortunately for ligers, they can't fuck with natural selection. If humans stop feeding them they'll be extinct in a few hundred years. I don't even think that those big cats are actually out in the wild, aren't they only in parks and zoos and stuff ?

Now wolverines are an entirely different matter. Not even Chuck Norris fucks with them!

Absolutely. And Wolverines have some ferocious cousins called Badgers, too.

Right, you try walking up to a liger and saying "sorry dude, but since you're a man-maintained mockery of the natural ways you pose no danger to me."

I'll stop by your parents house with your stuff.

Bred for its skills in magic.

This is the good old Tasmanian Devil, probably the most bad-tempered little bastard in the animal kingdom.

Yeah, but Tazmanian Devils have the tightest holes, am I right men?!

Rady, my name's not natural selection, is it ? I'd stay at least 20m away from a caged liger and at least a few kms away from a free one. But it's good to know that there's at least somebody good enough to bring my stuff back to my parents house in case something shitty happens!

YEAH!

Sharks. Goddamn things are made for sneaking up and taking some poor bastard's leg off without breaking a sweat.

Polar bears. They can be up to twenty feet tall and ten miles long, and can decapitate a whale with a single punch.

BUT OF COURSE THE BIGGEST AND MOST DANGEROUS PREDATOR OF ALL IS MAN, WHO IS THE ONLY CREATURE THAT MAKES WAR WITH HIS OWN KIND (EXCEPT FROM ANTS)

the most dangerous animal is by far the woman. they'll tear your heart out and chew it and spit it back out and put it in a blender and chug it down with some gin and shit it back out and...

Colossal Squid. It's larger than the Giant Squid. Largest eyes of any animal.



Basking Shark.



Sea Lamprey

And just about any other deep see creature.

Looks like my ex girlfriend's vagina.

Pretty much, those things are fucking creepy.

I think the unbearable amount of pressure coming down on my bones and organs would keep me from worrying about any large-eyed, sharp toothed fishie down there.

In the UK, we don't really have that many dangerous animals, but there is one little fucker who has messed with TV presenters for years. The FERRET -



They'd eat your balls if they had the chance

The rat. The pest bringer.