Metal Reviews

Q: What is green and sits on a fence?
A: Paint

this thread

Yeah it's from Family Guy. What do you want from me at 3 am? I have some better ones they will come.

What's green, has four legs and would kill you if it fell on you from a tree?

A pool table



THEY GET WHAT THEY CALL LULZ WHICH IS A CORRUPTION OF LOL

Here's a little racist joke. Sorry if I offend any bhaiis (benggalis)....

One day 3 officemates got together during break time and had a little chat. The Malay guy told "Here's an idea, guys. Tonight we fuck our wives, and tommorrow morning we'll compare how many times we did it in one night." Then the CHinese guy got afraid and said "Where can? Later people will hear...Embarrassing!!". Then the smart Bhaii fella says "We do this then, we go back, fuck our wives then tommorrow morning we meet in the pantry. You spread butter on the bread according the number of times you fucked her. If you did it once, then one spread, 2 times means 2 spreads. All agreed and continued with their work.

Every one of them got busy that night.

The next morning, they met at the pantry. The first was the Chinese guy. He spread butter twice on his bread. "He got lucky" thought his colleagues.

Then it was the Malay guys turn....4 spreads. "Wow!! No wonder he's got so many kids!"

Alast, the bhaii's turn. Sadly, he only made one spread. His colleagues felt sorry for him. Then in an instant, he turned the bread around and made at least 20 spreads!!!


This is a typical bhaii joke common in Malaysia, making fun of them and their love for anal sex. As for the Malay guy, it pokes fun about their 'reproductive' system. Some families have up to 21 kids!!! As for the Chinese guy, it's a joke about how they suck in bed.

No offence to any Chinese, Malays and Bhaiis at MR. I apologise if I offended anyone.

You learn something every day.

Q: How many progressive metallers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Only one, but it takes him 22 minutes.

HAHAHA! damn, best one so far

roflmayo.

Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Ten. One to do it, and nine to stand around with their arms crossed thinking they could do better.

Q: How many singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One to hold it in place, the world revolves around him.

a little duck wandered into a store and asked the shop keeper:

" Do u have any corn, Mister?", the duck asked

" No, i'm afraid not", he replied

and so the duck wandered home feeling pretty down


next day it returned to the shop:

" Do you have any corn, Mister?", the duck asked

" No, i already told you we don't have any corn", he replied with a firm tone

and so the duck wandered home again feeling pretty much down


next day the duck returned to the shop yet again:

" Do you have any corn?", the duck asked

" No God dammit!!!.. We don't have any CORN!!! next time you ask i'll kill you untill you die with a baseballbat!!! Do you UNDERSTAND?!?" he yelled pretty upset

*gulp* " yessir!", the duck replied

... and so the duck went home empty-winged again thinking about how to get some corn


Next day the duck returned to the shop once more:

" Do you have any baseballbats, sir?" the duck asked

" eh?!.. no, i don't have any baseballbats" the shop keeper replied

" Okay... Do you have any corn?"




ahahahaha-.... aherm...

VERY, VERY, DEEPLY OFFENSIVE JOKE AHEAD:

Q What do Madeline McCann and a submarine have in common?

A

...

...

...

(sigh)

Both cold, stiff and full of seamen

That's not just near the knuckle, it's halfway up the arm. I laughed though.

Oh dear.

How do you get Pikachu on a bus?

You pokemon.

A shiny new donkey to anyone that actually gets this, you probably need to be familiar with South London accents:

Why did L'Oreal?

Because Max Factor

I got it. Gimme my donkey. I didn't think the joke was that great though, I'd heard it before.

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
5, 1 to change it and the other 4 to say how much better John Bonham would have done it.

I have an epic music geek joke.

A rich British businessman arrives in a remote part of Central Africa because is company is prospecting for oil there. As soon as he gets off the plane he hears a frantic, arhythmical drumming sound in the distance. He meets his guide who speaks fluent English, and asks

"What the hell is that noise"

His guide looks worried and says

"The drumming has been going on a long time, and will never stop, because if it does, something really terrible would happen"

The businessman just looks puzzled and gets in the car. But along the way, the drumming just seems to be getting louder and more frenetic, so he asks again, and gets the same answer

"You have to realise that the drumming must never, ever stop. If it did, that would be a catastrophe".

He gets to his hotel, and settles down for the night. But he finds it completely impossible to sleep because of the drumming. So suddenly he snaps, and runs down to the bar where his guide is drinking. He asks

"Look, I'm getting sick of this, please can't you just tell me why the drumming is so important, what happens when it stops?"

The guide is really bothered at this point:

"When the drumming stops, the bass solo starts"

Here are some jokes about music, musicians and the sort...:

Q. What has 8 teeth and forty feet?
A. The front row of a blue grass concert.

Q. What's the difference between a bass player and a toilet?
A. A toilet only has to take crap from one ass hole at a time.

Q:How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one, and one to go "Yeeeee-Hah !" and throw his hat in the air.

Q: What's the difference between a bull and a symphony orchestra?
A: The bull has the horns in front and the ass in the back.

Q:How many punk-rock musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A:Two. One to screw in the bulb and the other to smash the old one on his forehead.

Q: What's the inscription on a blues singer's tombstone?
A: "I didn't wake up this morning..."

And some jokes FOR musicians.... :

Q: What do you get if you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A: A flat miner.

Q: What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A: A flat major

Q: What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

Q: What do pirates and trumpet players have in common?
A: They are both murder on the high C's.

A flat miner?

A FLAT MINER?

Another music joke-- for guitarists at least:

I once broke a G-string while fingering A-minor.

LOL!!!