Metal Reviews

Bunch of guys are sitting at a bar. One guy leans over and tells the other, "You know, I have a 180 IQ." The other guy says "So do I" and they discuss physics.

Another guy says to the guy next to him, "You know I have a 125 IQ", at which point the other guy says he does too and they discuss some engineering.

A fifth guy leans over and says to the guy next to him, "Hey, I have an 80 IQ", and the other guy says "Really? What band do you play in?".

LOL!!!!

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a
woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance
is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY

ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the
shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . . you may
choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a
floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a
woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are
extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead
good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh mercy me" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes
to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the
Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have
a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign
reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to
please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you
exit the building, and have a nice day!

How true!!

A man walks into a bar to meet some friends. They haven't arrived yet, so he looks for somewhere to sit to wait for them. He sees a free chair in the corner next to a man with an Orange for a head.

The man sits down and tries not to stare, but Orange-head sees him taking sneaky looks.

"It's ok, you can ask about my head if you want, I don't mind".

"Ok, why do you have an orange for a head?"

"Well it's a funny story. I was out walking one day when I met a genie. This genie told me I could have three wishes.

Firstly, I wished to be a millionaire. The genie told me that the next time I checked my bank account 5 million pounds would be deposited in their.

Secondly, I wished to be incredibly handsome. The genie told me that every woman I met from now on would fall immediately in love with me.

Thirdly, I wished for an orange for a head"

1) What did one breast feeding baby say to the other?

I'll invite you for lunch.


2) The Pastor's Ass
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read:

PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next
day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper
read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The bishop was buried the next day.

3) GLOVES

A young man wished to buy a pair of gloves for his
sweethearts birthday, so he went to an expensive
boutique, bought the finest gloves available, and
asked the saleswoman to have them delivered with
a note. While wrapping the gloves, a clerk
accidentally mixed up the order and sent a pair of
panties instead. Heres the note young man wrote
to his sweetheart:


Darling,

I chose these because I noted that you are not in
the habit of wearing any when you go out in the
evening. I would have chosen the long ones with
buttons, but because your sister wears the short
ones that are so easy to remove, I decided to get the
same style for you.

Although these are a delicate shade, the lady I
bought them from showed me a pair she had been
wearing for three weeks, and they are hardly
soiled. I had the salesgirl try them on for me and
she really looked smart.

I wish I could be there to put them on for you for
the first time. No doubt many other hands will
touch them before I see you again.

When you take them off, remember to blow in
them before putting them away as they will
naturally be a little damp from wearing. And be
sure to keep them on while cleaning them, so they
wont shrink.

Just think how may times I will kiss them during
the coming year! I hope you like them and will
wear them for me on Friday night.

All my Love,

Ken

PS. The latest style is to wear them folded down
with a little fur showing.

The above joke has no reference to the Ken we know.