Metal Reviews

My condolences, losing family is always incredibly hard.

That's terrible, I'm really sorry.

hi all.. thanks for the kind words. I've just returned for a couple of days. Wednesday i'm going back to see her in the chapel, thursday she is going to be burried.


My first post contained what i knew at the time. Imo, the things heard when i got home was shittier. Her depression which she had was worse than i thought. She tried to take an overdose of sleeping pills during the grand summer vacation, the pills was too weak to kill her, though - my father found her in the bed and she was soon after hospitalized for a month or so.
This friday, she went on a ride in her car. But she wasn't planning to come back. Anti-depression pills and sleeping pills was found in her purse. How she planned to use them unknown. I think we have come to the conclusion that she regret her discussion and tried to drive back home before it was too late, but in the process she dozed off behind the wheel and drove into the wrong lane which is what eyewitnesses told the police.
I thought that she drove on a narrow road when the truck came around the corner. That scenario had been less painful.

My mother believed she was a bad mother, worthless and didn't felt appreciated by her family according to some papers she had written back in 2003, i believe, a part of her psychiatric treament. Which is sad, cuz she is the one i loved the most of all. Right now my sisters and father feel shitty of course, they feel both anger but also guilt and sorry for her.
She was never dealt the best cards in life, but she played those she recieved the best she could. Her parents divorced when she was a child, and her mother commited suicide when she was 12 - her father died a few years later while she was attenting 10th grade. In 1994 she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, the symptoms started already back in the 80's, though, feeling sick, tired and pain the muscles on daily basis. She retired from work around 2001, i think, but tried to take part in as many activities as she could possible handle, working out a bid, dancing, horseriding, working fridays in Red Cross. At the same time she also kept the house and cooked despite feeling like crap. She did what she could to hide her problems to me and my sisters, especielly when we were kids. I think there's a whole lot issues under the skin, we have yet to uncover. I haven't read her medical journal yet.

the last post for now sry about the lenght. Some might find it tasteless, but i really don't care. I don't believe i should hide anything. If I did, my mother would be nothing more than statestics - anonymous

That's awful. Life has a way of kicking you in the balls sometimes.

This wasn't tasteless at all. It takes courage to let all this out, and I commend you for it. It's sad that she was in so much pain these last 20 or so years. I really hope she's in a place now where she can find serenity and peace (yes, I'm naturally speaking from a Christian perspective).

Thats in no way tasteless Kim

Sounds like you loved her a hell of a lot. So sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry for your loss. Losing your mother is a very hard thing to go through.

Very sorry for your loss mate.

Things in life happen for a reason. And even if it breaks our hearts, we must accept it and move forward without thinking backward. Should our misery stay in dictation, we only create hurt for ourselves and those we are bound to; in the present and in the future...

Dunno if you're talking about fate or consequences of certain events in life. The latter i somewhat agree with.
I have hardly grieved, it took me about 3 days to get over in the sense that I could start sleeping again and eat as normal - you get a very depressive feeling in your guts and your chest, at least i did. I talked about it in my english class the 3rd day and have been very open about it, that actually helped alot. I did that for several reasons, first of all my mother was a human being, second of all you shouldn't hide something like this, especielly not when you're working together with other ppl, and last I didn't want to repeat myself over and over again - I hate that. The only thing I didn't want was other ppl's life philosophy, their take on the situation or their advices on how to get through this. A girl even suggested I should seek professionel help, that annoyed me a whole fucking lot - I was offended, actually
I have dealt with my mothers death "my" own way. I still can't figure out if it is my way of dealing with it that was effective, if it is my outlook on life and death or if is due to a cold heart, cuz after the first 3 days I wasn't feeling down any longer, hopefully a combination between the first two. I've felt a little bad about that, but then again, death is handled very differently from culture to culture, from person to person. Who sais you have to grief for several months like widows did back in the old days? Some cultures even celebrates death.
I know, of course, that my mother died under some crappy circumstances and there's nothing to celebrate about it, but I don't want to waste any time thinking about what could have been done otherwise to prevent it.

As I also said to my english class (almost a 100% girls), my mother will live on through me and my children. I asked, but nobody wanted any children with me that day it seemed

anywho.. I could speak a whole more about it and me outlook on things. But you already know most of, through my crappy music and my pretentious comments here and there related to life, death and even nordic mythology perhaps, the latter was a great inspiration for me while getting through it. I always return to nordic mythology and viking metal when I feel down - things get solved in matters of hours that way



thanks to all of you.. and thanks because you didn't try to comfort me with your life philosophy and cheesy oneliners from Dr. Phil or whatever
And for those who wish my mother is a better place now from a christian point of view... That's okay.. she was somewhat of a christian herself, i think, at least she was a member of the church like most of the population, though the only one in our family. However, I was greatly annoyed inside the church, too much jesus, amen and babbling about how awsome god is, and only a tiny bit about my mother as a person. which I wasn't too happy about either. I don't understand this kind of stuff - a friend of my said " oh, come on! it's beatiful!", but I don't see it. I think my way was far greater and honorable towards my mother, yes indeed I did (I wrote a 3 page long cronicle/biography about her which was read by dozen of ppl)... umm.. that's all for now, i'm very poor at keeping it short or simple.

Glad to hear things are going well for you man.

+1

Losing someone is really hard to accept. But time heals, bro. Glad you're back.