Metal Reviews

Hello metal kin
At last it has come, my journey totalling six years of study is ended. As of three weeks, I will no longer be trudging through mind-numbing and tediously trivial work and surviving on wages that have kept me below the poverty line since I first left school.

On the last week of my teaching prac I got a phone call from the Principal of a brand new school in a brand new suburb inviting me to come work there. I'll be on a contract until the end of the year, and then (hopefully) be made permanent after that. I've just been out to the school this morning and it is mightily impressive and freakin huge! 2500 students in all.

What and who I'll be teaching is a bit of a mystery. Apparently I am replacing three people, and will most likely be teaching English, History, Drama and Multimedia (erk!). I'll find out for sure next week.

But most importantly, when I get my first pay cheque I can finally set myself up with internets at home. For ages I've been relying on shitty uni net and shitty (and highly monitored) school net. Weee!

On a sad note, my beloved dog Kira has the bone cancer and is now a War of the Worlds tripod after having her leg amputated. They do grow back don't they? She will most likely shuffle off the mortal coil in a year. At least the leg provided us with food for the week. But I forgot to wait and see if the leg would grow another dog off it.

So what else. Ah yes. I now realise I have two gypsy curses on me. One involves being hit on by gay men whenever I go out and get drunk in public, and the other one causes me to sit next to weird people at a public event. At Little Britain it was the giant Norse woman who exerted colonial power over my seat (and my steadily squashing person), the sniffling Arab at The Police, the woman who kept shoving her ponytail into my mouth at Powderfinger, the guy who kept rubbing his armpit hair on my head at Danzig, the guy who kept wiggling his fingers in front of my face at Iron Maiden, and so on.

So I was at The Phantom of the Opera a few months back. As I was sitting there thinking to myself how the entire show is just four songs repeated with different lyrics and tempo, I became aware of this fat stumpy woman next to me who kept wiggling in her chair. This was no big deal, but became quite distracting. After this failed to infuriate me, she tried a different tactic; pulling out her mobile phone and flashing the screen light at me. This was annoying, but I wasn't going to give in. So finally she did what any self-respecting pain in the arse would do at a faux opera; jangle jewelry (which she wasn't wearing but had brought out of her purse for the occasion) at key intervals in the music. Loudly.

Phantom: "Oh Christine, bla bla bla I have no face and want to rape you bla bla bla"
Christine: "I'm a slut and want you to do me up the pooper bla bla bla"
*jingle jingle jingle*
Phantom: "I have no knob either bla bla bla but I have fully functioning and dextrous fingers bla bla bla"
Christine: "Ok, but let me poop first"
*jingle jingle jingle*
Phantom: "The power of my fingers in your shite"
*jingle jingle jingle*

So that story doesn't really go anywhere. Anyway, will post more when I gots me own nets! Toodle pip.

Best thing ive read in a long time. Oh and congratulations.

HAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!! I miss you Wanky. We need more blogs like this.

HAHAHAHAHAHAH congratulations on your new job Wanky, sorry about your dog .

Fantastic, utterly awesome.

These forums are boring.

it seems we need more people who go outside and report back to us about it

That's right, I knew I had a better story or two to tell.

The first is quite short and to the point. While teaching a drama class the other week I got to fulfill one of my life career ambitions; read a class roll in a pirate voice.
"Amanda Baaaaaaaarrrrrrrnes! Be ye here!"
"No sir, she left the school last week."
"MUTINY!"

The other story involves a school cross country marathon. As you may already be aware, the teachers have to stand at designated way points along the course in order for the runners to stay on track and be prodded along.

As it happens, I'm stationed at the foot of a very large grass hill under the supervision of my teaching mentor (this being while I was still on prac). The course runs across a street, up this mighty hill, along the top, and then back down again. "Keep going, you can do it, push harder, etc". Yawn.

So we are standing there when I noticed one kid (a very rotund girl) in a wheelchair struggling to wheel herself up the first few meters of grassy hill. I called out if she needed assistance but she declined. Very well. Several minutes pass and she gradually grinds past us and further up the hill. Eventually my supervisor says, "feel like going for a run?". Ergh!

So I take the handles of the chair and start pushing her up the hill. At first it was a brisk power walk and a chat, then a walk and a few remarks, then just walking, then the Pharaoh was at my back as I hauled this great block up the hill. Finally I got her to the top of the hill and nearly died there of exhaustion.

As I amble back down the hill to resume my station (that wobbly amble that Jaguar Paw does on the beach at the end of Apocalypto). I stand there, hunched over, regaining my breath when my supervisor turns to me and says;

"You do know she can walk."

"Get FUCKED!"

"It's true. She doesn't need that wheelchair."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"Because it's funny."

"When she comes back for hers second lap, I'm tipping her fat arse out of the chair and she can fucking push ME up the hill!"

How is she even allowed to participate, as she isn't even running?

i'd be a fucking cross country running hero if I could use a fucking wheel chair.

wow, frikin lazy people.

wow, great stories - I bet the children think you are a cool teacher, btw - or will be

Haha, what a waster. Before I became lazy cross country used to be my strong point, school was always trying to get me into trials and shit but they could get get fucked.

Funny stories. I dunno who would want to make themselves look like such a fucking idiot by using a wheelchair for cross country...

man, why didn't i ever have teachers like these?

Why aren't you my teacher?

WAHAHAHAHAHA

OMGOMGOMG

HAHAHAHA

hehehehe

ah heh