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PostPosted: Fri Jun 26, 2009 6:26 pm 
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Karma Whore
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He probably did do some nasty shit to kids, but nothing beats a good bit of Thriller when you're hammered.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 26, 2009 6:32 pm 
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MetalReviews Staff
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Metalhead_Bastard wrote:
He probably did do some nasty shit to kids, but nothing beats a good bit of Thriller when you're hammered.


Nah. Well, apart from, like, a billion other things.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 12:20 am 
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Einherjar

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4 PAGES! :omfg:

You guys are poseurs! :lol:


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 12:53 am 
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Metal King
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at least they're not french; and Michael Jackson's music is better than most of the bands discussed here.


RIP


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 2:36 am 
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Einherjar
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Is he even biodegradable?

Yeah, I stole that from Encyclopdia Dramatica


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 4:18 pm 
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Ist Krieg
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So apparently Jordan Chandler has admitted to lying under his father's influence. Don't know how trustworthy the news story is though.

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 5:03 pm 
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Ist Krieg
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FrigidSymphony wrote:
So apparently Jordan Chandler has admitted to lying under his father's influence. Don't know how trustworthy the news story is though.
Frig refuses to put down the Michael Jackson defense banner. High five, Frig!


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 6:07 pm 
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Ist Krieg
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traptunderice wrote:
FrigidSymphony wrote:
So apparently Jordan Chandler has admitted to lying under his father's influence. Don't know how trustworthy the news story is though.
Frig refuses to put down the Michael Jackson defense banner. High five, Frig!


I don't give a flying fuck about Michael Jackson, I just think it's interesting to look at the case and find the scenario closest to the truth.

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 6:27 pm 
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Ist Krieg
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FrigidSymphony wrote:
traptunderice wrote:
FrigidSymphony wrote:
So apparently Jordan Chandler has admitted to lying under his father's influence. Don't know how trustworthy the news story is though.
Frig refuses to put down the Michael Jackson defense banner. High five, Frig!


I don't give a flying fuck about Michael Jackson, I just think it's interesting to look at the case and find the scenario closest to the truth.
:sad:


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 6:56 pm 
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Ist Krieg
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This just in:

Smooth Criminal is the coolest music video ever.

That is all.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 10:27 pm 
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Einherjar

Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2006 3:24 am
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Beat It is such a great song. He was extremely weird, though...he definitely had a lot of plastic surgery. And probably molested a few children...ah well

And I'm not (really) ashamed to admit that some of the covers of his songs are pretty damn good, like Alien Ant Farm and Fall Out Boy.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 11:49 pm 
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Metal Lord
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I don't really have anything against Michael Jackson's music. Although I wouldn't really call myself a fan either. I was working at the Detroit Jazz Festival this afternoon, and in honor of him they played a Michael Jackson Medley over the PA.

I agree with Heatseeker that Beat It is a great song. I also like this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjW1iq4IO2k .


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 12:29 am 
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MetalReviews Staff
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Quote:
Neverland Ranch Investigators Discover Corpse Of Real Michael Jackson

SANTA BARBARA, CA—During a search for evidence at the Neverland Valley Ranch, investigators discovered a corpse that has been identified as that of Michael Jackson, Santa Barbara police officials announced Tuesday.

"Coroners have officially pronounced Michael Jackson dead. From what we can tell, he died between 18 and 20 years ago," forensic investigator Tim Holbrooke said. "We are not certain, at this time, who—or what—has been standing trial in that Santa Maria courthouse."

According to Holbrooke, Jackson's corpse was buried just inches below a stretch of the miniature-train tracks that run throughout Neverland. The largely desiccated corpse wore the remains of a red, zipper-covered leather jacket and a single glove.

"We positively identified the body as Jackson by his dental records and DNA," Holbrooke said. "But even before we conducted a single forensic test, we began to suspect that that we'd uncovered the real Michael, and that the disturbing figure claiming to be Jackson was a fake."

Holbrooke said that, although the corpse was in an advanced stage of decomposition, when investigators compared the body to early-career publicity photos of Jackson, they saw a striking resemblance in bone structure and facial features. But when they compared the body to photos taken after 1987, the resemblance was negligible.

"This discovery raises a lot of questions, but it also sheds light on a number of disturbing incidents," Holbrooke said. "Frankly, Jackson had been acting pretty strange."

Forensic experts and music critics are postulating that Jackson was dead before the release of the multi-platinum album Bad. Detectives are currently analyzing the lyrics to "Man In The Mirror" for any clues relating to a look-alike entity that many suspect murdered the youngest member of the Jackson 5 and assumed his identity.

"We believe that Neverland served as some sort of freakishly whimsical tomb constructed by Jackson's killer," Holbrooke said. "We also suspect that all of the iniquities that occurred on that ranch were the work of the imposter. I wouldn't have ever thought it possible, but we are looking at a situation where the sexual abuse of a 13-year-old cancer patient is the tip of the iceberg."

Holbrooke said that, while the living Jackson is the leading suspect in the murder investigation, he "could be another victim of some sort."

"Basically, we have no idea what type of creature we are dealing with," Holbrooke said.

A member of the investigative team that discovered Jackson's body described the experience as "otherworldly."

"As we neared the perimeter of Neverland, the dogs started whining and howling like crazy," Santa Barbara County detective Frank Poeller said. "We had to pull them into the house. When we got to Jackson's bedroom, one of them almost choked himself to death on his leash trying to get out through the window. Minutes later, the same dog led us to the corpse."

A representative from Jackson's self-created label, MJJ Productions, said he was not surprised to find out that the current Jackson is an imposter.

"When we were recording 'Heal The World' for Dangerous, I could tell something was terribly, terribly wrong," MJJ manager Luke Allard said. "Michael didn't seem like himself anymore. He'd demand bizarre food and sit for hours in a hyperbaric chamber. His appearance began to become more and more peculiar. Soon afterwards, he started wearing a mask and confiding in a chimpanzee."

"I remember thinking, 'This man has become a monster,'" Allard said. "If only I'd known how right I was."

Allard said he thinks that the imposter broke ties with Jackson's former friends and surrounded himself with children who were too young to notice the radical change.

Vanity Fair reporter Beth Pither visited Neverland in 1994.

"A strangely fearful staff member led me to Jackson, but ran off before I opened the door," Pither said. "Standing there with my hand on an ice-cold doorknob, I heard strange, unnatural sounds—leathery wings flapping, a sorrowful wail, and loud hissing. A wave of dread passed through me as I opened the door, but all I found was Michael and some kids in pajamas eating ice cream and watching 101 Dalmatians."

While their claims have not been corroborated, other Neverland visitors have reported that when when Jackson entered a room, lights flickered, faucets ran blood-red, and screams escaped from the walls.

To aid in the investigation, the FBI enlisted Dr. Richard Weingarden, a noted expert on the paranormal from UC Santa Barbara. After only two hours, Weingarden abandoned the project.

"The smell of sulfur, the decaying facial features, the bizarrely high-pitched voice—it sounds exactly like..." Weingarden said, trailing off. "I'm sure it's nothing. Not a big deal. Nothing to be terrified about, certainly. I have to go. I've got a family."

Thomas Sneddon, the prosecutor in Jackson's child-molestation lawsuit, said it remains to be seen how the shocking discovery will affect the trial.

Megan Gustafson, who left her post as president of the Akron, OH Michael Jackson Fan Club after the singer was accused of molestation, offered a positive view of the grisly revelation.

"This is very disturbing news," Gustafson said. "But to be honest, it's kind of a relief too. Thriller and Off The Wall are really amazing records. Now I can pull them out of my 'ruined by child abuse' storage bin and start listening to them again."


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 12:33 am 
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Ist Krieg
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I love the Onion.

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 2:44 am 
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Ist Krieg
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Michael Jackson Hires Magical Anthropomorphic Giraffe As Defense Lawyer
Image
I love the eyes on that thing.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 3:30 pm 
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Einherjar
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I care about this in regards to the disgusting manner in which it will dominate the news cycle for the next few weeks and push out actually important news in favor of this codswallop.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 9:57 pm 
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Einherjar

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Location: U.S.
Seinfeld26 wrote:
I agree with Heatseeker that Beat It is a great song. I also like this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjW1iq4IO2k .


I wish he had stayed like that, haha.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:33 pm 
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Metal Lord

Joined: Mon Oct 13, 2008 11:19 pm
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Location: Where rules of psychics no longer apply
Michael Jackson is 86% plastic so he's not going to be buried or cremated. Instead he's gonna be melted into Lego so children can safely play with him, for a change.

All jokes aside, I respect him for his contributions to the music scene. But the baby dangligs and peado manner outweighs the good. I mean it's sad that anyone passes away, but I wouldn't be any less sad if it had been someone I didn't know.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 11:11 pm 
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The Commish
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That was a joke? When was it funny?


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 7:15 am 
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Banned Mallcore Kiddie

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Location: In Hell I burn
RIP.


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