Metal Reviews

Here's a fun game. Reply to this thread with your list of "signs that you don't listen to enough metal." I'll start:

1. When somebody mentions heavy metal, Korn is the first band that pops into your head.

2. You think Slayer is a death metal band.

3. You think "old Metallica" means Enter Sandman and The Unforgiven.

4. You wonder why, on Undisputed Attitude, Green Day and Blink-182 weren't covered.

5. You wonder why Poison isn't mentioned on any "Best Of" lists.

6. You think Iron Maiden is a satanic band.

7. You think it's "METAHL!!!!" to dye your hair green.

8. You think Cannibal Corpse was the first ever death metal band.

9. You make threads like this

Ir's funny because it's true.

Iron Maiden satanic?

Six, six six
The number of the beast
Hell and fire were spawned to be released...

Six, six six
The number of the beast
Hell and fire were spawned to be released...

But his first reaction is to inform the law! Hardly the reaction of a hardened Satanist.

But he still feels drawn towards the chanting hordes, mesmerized, unable to avoid their eyes.

Yeah, but surely it's warning of the dangers rather than proclaiming the awesomeness. The final verse isn't from the main protagonist's viewpoint, after all, but The Beast himself, crowing as he claims another victim - 'I have the power to make my evil take its course!' The whole song is a warning... He's coming back, He will return.

Yes, but please refer to the lines

Six six six the number of the beast
six six six, the one for you and me

in the end he is endorsing this devilry.

Only because those vicious Satanists have stolen his soul. He doesn't actually WANT them to hypnotise him like this, but he has no choice, such is their hellish power!



Heh, we should reproduce this conversation in a thread: 'Signs you listen to too much metal!'

Doesn't he, though?
Who can ultimately resist the blasphemy of torches blazing, sacred chants a-praising, as they start to cry, hands held to the sky, or of fires burning bright, in the night, as rituals are begun and Satans work is done??



No such thing as too much metal.

Well, quite.

He will possess your body and make you burn.

9. You think that Slipknot are Death Metal

10. You think Linkin Park are head banger music

11. You wear Slayer skate shoes

12. You think that track suit pants are suitable heavy metal attire.

13. You have downloaded every single Thrash Metal album on the planet yet have listened to precisely 0 of them.

14. You think that Manowar and WASP were underground bands in the 1980's (I've met young people with this wierd attitude).

15. You are 16 years old and talk about how influential Cancer and Onslaught were in the 1980's after reading on Blabbermouth that they had reformed.

16. You own every In Flames album after Clayman but none before.

17. You state on national television that Soilwork are a Black Metal band (happened on an Aussie music TV show called Spicks and Specks a while back. Luckily the metal guy they had on there set them straight).

18. You claim to be an extreme Metalhead yet 90% of the music that you own is soft commerical pop ala Michael Jackson or Prince or country ala Kenny Rogers and the bulk of what you call HeavyMetal is stuff like Korn, KISS or Warrant (know people like this too).

19. You accuse other people of being soft for listening to Limp Bizkit and tell them that you listen to truly hardcore stuff such as Slipknot, Korn and Trivium.

20. You only listen to metal songs when they have a lot of swearing.

21. You listen to Cradle of Filth because you think Dani Filth is "dreamy."

22. You think Marilyn Manson is Metal. Even worse you think Marilyn Manson is original.

23. You think that Damage Plan was better than Pantera.

24. The only Anthrax album you own is Stomp 442.

25. You had a crush on Kelly Osbourne because her dad is Ozzy Osbourne.

Bitch, Manson is totally original.

26. You don't know Celtic Frost's To Mega Therion by heart.

27.

How ironic!

Silly hipsters and their irony!