Metal Reviews

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I think these are marvelous. Add to it if you want.

Lame

These are more embarrassing than Chuck Norris jokes.

Kind of gay.

As in homosexual.

Can we assume you were being sarcastic, Adveser?

SPAM

No, I thought they were funny, what do I care if people think they are dorky jokes.

Now these are funny:


"Bubba & Cooter's Book of Sure-Fire Pick-up Lines"
brought to you by Bubba & Cooter:



1) Did you fart? cuz you just blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded? cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card? cuz I'd like to sign you out

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? cuz I can see myself in em.

6) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.

7) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

8) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

9) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.

AND the best for last!

10) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up.

:(

if i said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me


why did Hitler hate scientologists? He was xenuphobic

loll

=(

So, a friend of mine comes to see me. We have a great time and we start drinking despite him claiming to be a little hungover still.

I said "you were drinking last night, on a Thursday?"

he says, "yeah, I got totally fucked up last night."

"Really?" I said.

"Yeah, I got so drunk last night trying to pick up women, you know, for the confidence" he says to me.

"Did you get lucky?" i responded

"I went home and blew chunks" he said

"Bad Pizza" i asked

"You don't understand" he says "Chunks is my dog"

The one pick-up line that works every time:
"Hey, does this smell like chloroform?"

That's a brilliant joke with a great off-timed punchline.

My favorite pick-up lines are Zapp Brannigan's from Futurama:

"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?"

"I find that the most erotic part of the woman is the boobies."

Not a pick-up line, but rather advice:

"The quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in."

For good measure:

"The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate."

Saying/Thinking of these in Zapp's voice helps.

When I was younger I always felt like I was a boy trapped in a woman's body.

However, that changed when I was born.

I don't think I can't think of those in Zapp's voice.

"You know what I really hate? When you're in bed with three women, and the least attractive of them rolls over and says 'Save it for me! MAN that's a drag!! But, that's my life. Bad things happen to ME."
- Jim Carrey