First off, some of you might be wondering why there is an editorial this week when there was one last week. Well, I just sort of felt like doing two in a row, this week and next so don’t worry, you aren’t getting an early editorial because Ben is too impatient to wait another week and too lazy to keep up the schedule. Just think of this as a freebie, like when a magazine changes its format from monthly to bi-weekly. So huzzah.

Speaking of magazines the inspiration of this editorial is the horrible rag Explicitly Intense. My friend picked the current issue up for the cd sampler in it and we had some huge laughs reading it. I honestly don’t know how it exists unless Sarjoo Devani is incredibly rich and pumps his parents money into it for every three or four month publication. Anyways, my feelings for this aside I have been bombarded recently with super hype. You know what I’m talking about, when you read a review or when the bio sheet for a cd has phrases such as “This sonically enhanced cd will tear your soul apart with its mixture of Iron Maiden, Deicide, Nightwish, Pretty Maids, and Edguy harmonics! Prepare yourself for the mighty assault of doom that is _____ for without this cd your life will be cold and meaningless. Your parents will disown you, your daughter will become a militant lesbian golfer, your wife will have an affair with another man, and your son will become the next Charles Manson if you do not by the stellar, amazing, god-like debut of ____!” You’ve seen it, I’ve seen it and at times we have succumbed to the almighty hype machine and bought said cd only to sit there and go, “Wow. This is one big pile of crap and I feel like a fool for buying this. I think I’ll go to the store and make up a story on how this won’t play in my truck’s stereo so I can get my money back.” I hate hype. I also realize that to some this might seem contradictory because hell, I am a reviewer as well. I like to believe though that I do not contribute to this hype machine of money suckage, and the reason why is because I am a fan first and foremost and a journalist second. I don’t get paid for my job in a monetary fashion, the chance to interview my idols is my reward and also reading your comments and emails makes me realize that I am contributing to this metal scene and that is killer. Because of this I also don’t feel the urge to fill my reviews with lines such as, “sucks you in with reckless abandon and owns your soul with its blackened fire of the music that is metal as you wield your sword and ride on your horse of steel into battle with ______ as the soundtrack to your enemies defeat! Hail!” Take Theocracy, EmOcean, and Evening Star. I love these albums and they will be in my top fifteen of the year no question about it, and there is no doubt that Theocracy will be number one as well. You will not see me write an uber hyped and praising review and then never mention the album again or not see it on my top fifteen list like some publications do. I take my reviews seriously because I am not a rich man, I don’t have the money to blow out my ass every time I see someone calling an album a multiorgasmic affair and neither do you.

Here are a few guidelines to help you determine if a cd is caught in the mighty hype machine. First off, if there are more than two or three genres that are used to describe the album that do not go together at all then it probably just sounds like one big pile of failure. Example: “A heart rending combination of black, power, melodic hard rock, folk, and crust metal!” No. Anyone should know right off the bat that that will suck. Second, when on a cd or in an ad the banner proclaims, “Featuring members of ____, ____ and ____!” without telling you who the members are, if they are ex-members or not, and how much they actually contributed. I have seen many times where the “members” were old ex-people that haven’t been in the band for years or maybe it’s the singer from whoever and he only laid down three lines in one song. This happens quite frequently and it pisses me off. Third, in press releases or reviews in magazines when every single album seems like it is the second coming of Christ then you know something is up as well. My God, go pick up E.I. to see what I am talking about. Almost every single review ends with, “This mother fucker rocks!”, “Brings out the True Black Metal Warrior in you!”, “Great shit!”, “Hella cool!” and so on.

You want an example of how a press release should be made? Well here we go, this will be an example of how an album should be marketed. In a truthful, honest manner. For this I will use Pyramaze and their upcoming debut Melancholy Beast instead of using an already established artist that many of you have already heard. And no, I am not getting paid for this.

Pyramaze’s debut album Melancholy Beast is Power Metal with balls. The brainchild of guitarist Michael Kammeyer, this album has heavy, hard hitting riffs reminiscent of Iced Earth without losing the melodies in the heaviness. The vocalist for this band is Lance King, ex Balance of Power, and he delivers his most aggressive performance to date. Each song utilizes his tremendous range and no one track sounds the same as they each have a distinctive performance. The rhythm section is made up by Niels Kvist on bass and Morten Gade, (also from Wuthering Heights) on drums. Niels keeps the steady pulse of the songs going strong and Morten keeps the beat interesting with innovative drum patterns and fills. Keyboards are employed by American Jonah Weingarten who augments the songs on Melancholy Beast with his talent and even comes out to the forefront without being overly flashy and self indulgent. Melancholy Beast is recommended to fans of Melodic Power Metal with a heavy, hard hitting edge and should be placed on your “to buy” list of 2004.

While that bio might not have been as over the top as the standard bio for bands it is honest. And that is what matters the most. Notice how I didn’t herald this as the precursor to all your wildest fantasies and hopes and dreams. It is a killer album and I recommend it with high marks without resorting to erroneous bullshit. So there you go, I hope that this editorial will help you from being snared in the claws of the almighty hype machine and I also hope that you stay far, far away from Explicitly Intense.